December News

It is that time of year again where we consider the year past and plan for 2012. I am immensely proud of Bosom Buddies and what we have done and achieved this year. And I am super excited for all we have planned for next year.

Starting out as project manager for BB a year ago, I had some ideas of how I envisioned the future of Bosom Buddies. I am a passionate teacher and storyteller, and for me it was important to shift the focus from supplying bags at our public hospitals to the empowerment of mothers. I am happy to report that, for the most part, this objective is taking shape just as intended.

This past year we have distributed 5000 bags. This means that 5000 women were blessed and prayed for by one of our 22 volunteers. Isn’t this number just splendid? Not only this, we have grown into the field in which there is a vast need, which is education. We have started our new moms group in Macassar with attendance exceeding all expectations. The success of this group has inspired us to do more and get bigger. The new moms group will be split in January, we will be forming one group for pregnant women and another for moms with babies. We are also thrilled to be starting an antenatal course in Sir Lowrys Pass from which another support group will stem.

The kangaroo room looks absolutely gorgeous with the stunning murals done by our artistic high school volunteers. The installed basin has filled a huge need and the curtains made by our own Dezi is feminine, pretty and lovely.
Our next project is our Babies Born Sleeping project which entails comforting mothers who experience stillbirth with dignity and compassion.  Babies are photographed and those mothers who prefer not to take the pictures home with them, are able to contact us when/if they are later ready and retrieve their pictures.  Mothers are encouraged to hold and name their babies and funeral and coping with grief information is provided.   Unfortunately our local hospital, Helderberg Hospital, is a high risk facility and statistically we experience about 100 to 120 stillbirths per year. We have a dedicated group of volunteers, specifically trained to deal with these cases. We also have a psychologist on-hand, working with debriefing our volunteers. Regrettably, the hospital administration has asked us to discontinue this service, without notice and reason. We are saddened that so many mothers now leave the hospital without appropriate debriefing. It is reassuring, though, that I still receive regular calls to offer my services to these mothers. I believe that a relationship of trust between myself and the staff has developed and with the proper fostering this relationship will have our Babies Born Sleeping project fully functioning again. We are determined to figure out a solution to this drawback in 2012.
In managing this project, I have grown significantly on a personal level.  My Faith has been confirmed and rewarded and matured. I have witnessed miracles and experienced tremendously difficult situations with some of the mothers. Even in these arduous moments, somehow being able to comfort a mother is incredibly, intensely healing and even comforting in return.

I would like to thank everyone with a hand in our project: my inspirational colleagues at the Foundation, my wonderfully supportive church family ENSW, my amazing and committed volunteers, the superb staff at both hospitals we visit, our suppliers and donors and funders, we need you and can’t do this without you. But mostly, a huge THANK YOU to God, who blesses every visit, who ensures we never run out of anything our moms need, who blesses us with strength, patience, kindness, love and who reassures us of His presence in the eyes and fingers and toes of every little baby, in the smile of every mother and in the compassion of every volunteer. He truly is the wind behind our sails, what it’s all about.

October News

One of our proudest achievements of this past year has been the establishment of our breastfeeding support group. This group has been tremendously successful in Macassar. It runs every Friday between 10 and 12 and has grown enormously since its inception in June 2011. To be entirely honest, the first few weeks were quite disheartening since, more often than not, I waited in the library for the 2 hours with not one woman arriving. But word of mouth has proved tremendously successful and within just a few short months, we now weekly have 12 to 15 women and their babies attending. This past Friday was our record with 18 moms there!

Let me tell you about some of our regulars:

Michelle and baby Raquel. Raquel is now 2 months old and Michelle has been attending the group for about 6 weeks. Raquel is the most gorgeous little girl! Michelle has two older daughters, one a teenager and a 9-year old. She is a wonderful mother, so full of love for her daughters and shares her experience and knowledge willingly and kindly with the younger moms. This is, after all, the purpose of a support group: not for the facilitator to do a lecture, but rather for the moms to share and relate their own experiences. As facilitator I merely guide the conversation, I advise and correct, but for the most part it’s a two-way conversation.

Jolene and baby Jerome. Jerome is a 6-month-old boy, already wanting to move around. Jolene is 17 and Jerome is her first child. Jerome’s father is not on the scene anymore. According to Jolene, he is a tik addict and does not support his child. Jolene wants nothing to do with him, because since her pregnancy she has stopped doing drugs and has made a break from her old life. She is supported by her parents. I so admire this young, courageous girl.

Geraldine is 24 years old, married and pregnant with her first child, expected in December. Huge excitement and anticipation accompanies this pregnancy!

Jo-Anne is 43 and has 5 children, the eldest of which has 2 kids of her own! Jo-Anne is humble, kind, shy and friendly. She always has a gentle word for the younger moms. Her baby is now a month old and she will be sterilised at the 6-week check-up. She is so enjoying her last baby!

These are just a few women I spend my Friday mornings with. You can see why I totally love it. If you love women and mothers, this is very much the right environment to thrive in. What a privilege to teach and support these women and how much I learn in return!

Guilt? Do something!

Feminism, by definition, implies that women are equally as strong as our brothers, on every level and in every sphere; we can do anything that men can do. I will agree with this statement, of course, but I’d like to add that there is one weakness: our children; pregnancy, childbirth and the mother’s instinct. By far the majority of our ‘clients’ are unmarried, single women, bearing the burden of raising their children and grandchildren by themselves. Most of them struggle to claim maintenance support from their children’s fathers with little help from a legal system that is sluggish and difficult to comprehend. We don’t hear of a ‘father’s instinct’. Fathers have honour, pride, you get a father’s love, but for the mother it is referred to as an ‘instinct’. This, to me, indicates that the mother will instinctively do everything in her power to love, protect and provide essentials for her children. And, in fact, this is true, looking at the majority of the mothers we meet, a few have honourable husbands, are married to good men who love and provide for their families. The rest, sadly, have moved on and leave the women to toil for survival.
The unempowered woman, who has not been taught about birth control and sterilisation, who has never thought about equality or anything other than survival, who is raising one, two or eight children – this is the woman we serve, who we can influence, teach, love.

So, can we construe that the bags we give to the women are a very patronising, condescending move on our part? A hand-out for a woman who cannot provide these essentials for herself? I don’t think so. I believe what we do is providing a small appearance of dignity, a gift from one sister to another to celebrate the birth of her baby.

I have been criticised that the stories I write about, the real stories of real women we meet, women who live barely 5km from our suburban homes with pools, two or three cars per family, two or three bathrooms per house, washing machines and dishwashers, maids and nannies, that these stories are a bit depressing. I heard from someone who complained that my telling of our sisters is a cause of guilt. I would like to respond in this way: if you did not know what is happening down the road from you, how your domestic or the girl who bags your groceries lives, then it is about time for this very real eye-opener. We don’t need to feel guilty for what we have, but what we do need is to have sympathy, compassion and understanding for those that don’t. If your nanny needs a day off work to go to the clinic for her birth control injection, give her the day off with pay plus transport costs, if she is pregnant – give her paid maternity leave and allow her privacy and time to express her breastmilk for her baby once she is back at work. Better yet, allow her to bring her baby to work with her for 6 months. Allowing this ensures the baby is well, properly breastfed and will guarantee that he gets sick less, which means less days off for the employee. Talk to the women you meet, ask about their families and children. Give advice where you can, perhaps about birth control, perhaps about parenting, school, whatever. We’re moms, we have that in common and we all love without borders, the way the woman from the township loves her child is no more or less than the way you love yours. Before you criticise – remember that.

September News

Myself, Tuli & Granny Rose

As I am busy doing our volunteer roster for shifts to Helderberg Hospital over the next few months, I remember that it is a year ago since I did my very first roster as new manager of Bosom Buddies. What a year it has been for us all. Currently we have 19 active volunteers for Heldeberg Hospital and a further 3 who visit Macassar Day hospital. Another 4 women serve on the Babies Born Sleeping team, though on hold for now, they are ready to be called at a moment’s notice. A bunch of beautiful, inspirational and committed women. I cannot ask for a better team and am so grateful to every one of you.

What motivates someone to volunteer? Some of our volunteers have been with Bosom Buddies for longer than me, even Mel who retired as leader, is back as volunteer. Granny Rose is in the Bosom Buddies stock room packing bags and sorting donations every morning. I know our volunteers love Bosom Buddies, and what we do. We love to cuddle those newborns, to share in this very special time with the new moms and to feel that we are touching a life, making a difference in some small yet significant way.

Over the past few months I have told several stories of women we have met at the hospital. In all these women’s lives, we have had an important impact. I have no doubt that they will never forget Bosom Buddies, the woman who prayed for her and with her, for her baby. Who spoke to her about breastfeeding or birth control, who perhaps shared a story about her own children. Who planted that mustard seed of caring and Faith in this woman’s heart. I believe she will remember this and show this kindness in her own community, perhaps reach out to someone else in kindness, perhaps remember the peace that the prayer brought. Let’s not underestimate the power of prayer. So many women cry when we pray for them. I think it is such a relief for them to feel that here is someone who cares, someone praying for them only and wishing a beautiful life for their child. Our words are filled with ten-fold the worth through our prayer and faith. Whether we pray for a sick baby, a beautiful healthy baby, a mother in the midst of a difficult birth, imagine the value.

This month I would like my volunteers to know that I appreciate and cherish you, and I thank you. I know it is hard sometimes, draining and frustrating. I also feel angry and discouraged when I meet a 16-year-old girl having her second child, or a 34-year-old woman having her eighth child or the drug-addicted mom who doesn’t seem to care. I cry buckets of tears every time I dress a baby born sleeping. I feel my heart break when I see the tiny little prem babies full of tubes and dressings in the incubators. And I am so sorry for the moms labouring all alone, often not even speaking the same language of the nurses. But I would like to encourage you that you DO make a huge difference. These women will remember you, and all the stories we collect are used to teach other women. Every prayer, smile and gentle touch by you is exceptional and uplifting. Most of all – enjoy the cuddles, the newborn smells and precious time spent with the mothers.

Frances

The story of Agnes

Agnes is 34 years old but looks at least 10 years older. I met her this morning as she was leaving the hospital and asked for help with taxi fare. I had some time, so offered to give her a ride to her home. I believe this decision was God fated as I needed to hear her story and share it with you.

Agnes has given birth to her eighth baby on Saturday. The little boy was born premature at 8 months, but is healthy and will probably be able to go home in a few days’ time when he reaches 1.8kg. Her eldest daughter lives next door to her, is 20 years old and has 2 children of her own. The second eldest is 18, also with 2 kids. Yes, Agnes had her first baby at 14 years and for the past 20 years she has been pregnant and breastfeeding for most of those years. She is tiny, looks weatherbeaten and doesn’t weigh more than 40kg. She is not healthy and suffers from epileptic fits as well as stress. My answer to that was that I would also suffer from stress if I had 8 kids and no work, with a husband who doesn’t work either. Apparently they get the waste from Shoprite and that is what they live on. According to Agnes she has a good husband, who never beats her and yesterday he walked all the way to the hospital to bring her 4 nappies that he borrowed from his brother. Ages of the children: 20, 18, 13, 11, 6, 2, 9 months, newborn. Yes, Agnes has thought about sterilisation but there is just never the money or the means to get to the clinic. What affected me about her story is that the 11-year old boy has been in an accident. He was hit by a car driven by a button-smoking boy (according to Agnes) two weeks ago. He has been in the hospital at Tygerberg for the past 2 weeks and he hasn’t seen his mom even once. He has undergone two separate operations, she’s not sure what and must be so very scared and lonely. Agnes says he is a good, happy boy, doesn’t give them attitude and is always full of jokes and makes them laugh. She says the Sunday two weeks ago that he got run over a sadness befell their house and that night she had an epileptic fit. She is so worried about her boy and has no money to call the hospital to find out how he is doing. She came home today and left her newborn in another hospital to try to go and see her son.

As I dropped Agnes at her home (just a shack behind someone’s house), I met the other children shown in the picture. The 13-year-old daughter has to stay home to look after the little ones. She hasn’t been to school for quite a while. The 6-year old girl is supposed to be in grade 1, but there was no money for preschool or admission fees for the school. The little ones are crawling and walking without nappies, their bums and clothes as soiled as their little faces. But they’re smiling. They’re so happy to have their mommy home. Agnes is gentle and caring and I’m sure she does her best, but her arms are full, her body is hungry and sick and her eyes are tired.

I gave them the milk and bread that I had in my car after my morning shop. I gave Agnes some money to get to her son in the hospital. Tonight I mix tears with my spaghetti bolognese, because I know Agnes would so love to cook this meal for her family. I cry: “I am sorry, God, that just yesterday I complained that my house is too small. That this morning I stood in front of my full cupboard and said I have nothing to wear.” I cry for the little boy in hospital, afraid and alone, I cry for the two teenage girls with two children each. I cry for the 13-year old daughter looking after her siblings, her 6-year old sister, who will probably never go to school. And the three babies. But mostly I cry for Agnes and all the mothers just like her.

August News

On this Women’s Day and Women’s Month of 2011 Bosom Buddies honours our mothers. We share in the most special time in the lives of so many women and we hear wonderful, beautiful, inspiring life stories.

As we celebrate the 20000 women who marched to the Union Buildings in Pretoria on August 9, 1956, I wonder how far we have really come as women. Constitutionally and legally we have all the rights on paper and it is such a privilege to live in a country where human rights are respected and constitutionally enforced. But have we really come that far? The majority of women in our country don’t have the means to access these laws. Neither are they aware of them. Many are repressed, fearful and vulnerable. And the most vulnerable of these is the mother.

Consider the single mother trying to receive maintenance contributions from her children’s father. She earns R100 per day. Transport for her and her two children to work and school amounts to R55 per day. Going to the courts means a day off work, which is less R100 plus extra transport costs. Only to hear from the administrative clerks at court that her maintenance court order will take up to a year to enforce. And then in a year’s time, when the order is enforced and he refuses to pay, it will be more days off work spent in court. In the meantime, she has children to clothe and feed, school- and doctor’s fees to pay.

Consider the woman raped and impregnated by a police officer, too afraid to speak out and accuse this man at the same police station where he works with his friends. She seeks an abortion, only to be told that it’s too late. During her pregnancy she discovers that she is now HIV positive. She gives birth to a healthy son and names him Gift.

Consider the 40-year-old woman forced by her alcohol and drug-addicted husband to have her eighth child, because he needs the R225 per month per child government grant to support his habit. Her last baby is born with down’s syndrome, a special needs baby and an added burden to an already overwrought, overworked, poor and tired mother.

Consider the young mother who was told that it would ease labour pains to use tik (crystal meth) during the birth of her baby.

Consider the 16-year-old girl, pregnant and HIV positive. When asked whether they were educated about HIV and the use of condoms, she admits that what she believed was that you use condoms only if you sleep around, not if you have one stable boyfriend. She believed her boyfriend of 2 years was faithful.

These are all women we have met at our breastfeeding groups and in the hospital over the last few months. It begs the question this Women’s Day: do we really have reason to celebrate?

I don’t think so. I think we still have a long struggle ahead.

Our volunteers from Bosom Buddies meet 400 women per month. We bless them with a gift, love them without judgment and pray for them and their babies. It is a small start, but definitely not insignificant.

It does matter.

Remember the granny I mention in my previous blog? She is raising twin boys and had to give up her job in order to take care of them. I admire her love and dedication. She has since legally adopted the two boys and so the mother has no claim on them. This is important for the security of the boys, but also for the woman (and her husband) raising the two. They are giving them their all – all the love you and I can imagine that anyone will have for their own children and so much expense too, and the risk that maybe one day they can lose them is just agonizing. So the boys are now officially theirs, with all that entails.

Granny left the hospital with some gifts from Bosom Buddies, including a bucket with 10 organic cotton nappies. As we all know, disposable nappies are very expensive and also not great for the environment, so we thought it pertinent to rather give them cotton nappies as a gift, plus some etra clothes, blankets and products. Since they were premature, they stayed, with their granny, in the hospital for a few weeks. Our volunteers got to know them relatively well, as we do most of the moms who stay in the kangaroo room with their prem or sick babies. We spent many visits with them praying and just chatting.

We have received the following letter from magnificent granny:
(please bear in mind that she is of Muslim faith, and consider the power of prayer)

“Dear Mrs Frances (of Bosom Buddies)
I would like to sincerely thank you for the contribution for the twins. It has come in very handy. I just thought that morning, where would I get help for some nappies? The dear lord Jesus then sent you on my way with a bag filled with blessings. My husband and I really appreciate it. When I took the two children, I said God, please give me a mustard seed of faith, that which I cannot see, to raise these boys.

My prayer for you, the nurses and everyone who came along my way with these two innocent children, is that ‘God, when you bless others, do not pass these people. Come bless them with a wealth of blessings.’

The giver gets more than the receiver.

Thank you, thank you. God’s richest blessings.
Yours faithfully”

What we do DOES matter, CHANGES lives and plants that mustard seed of faith. Every touch, every smile, every blessing and prayer has the potential to save a life. Mind-blowing and awesome.

July News

I know it often seems that we are having a terrible time and that each visit to the hospital is wrought with emotion, pain and sadness but we visit new mothers, and that in itself is filled with joy and hope.


What I find the most incredible of all, is that these women, these mothers, are so overcome with love, awe and affection for their newborns. God and nature are such an incredible force that the love we all have for our babies is instant and overwhelming and pure.  But so is the anxiety and fear and anger when things go wrong.


When I meet people without children, it is hard to explain this wonderment and love to them. I know women who have adopted and their love is by no means any less than those of us who have ‘natural, biological’ kids. The only thing they don’t experience is the birth, whether by caesaerian or natural, and with it, that first few hours of getting to know the new baby, this human being that has for 9 months lived inside of you and is a WHOLE person. That’s incredible, indescribable, beautiful and frightening.


At Bosom Buddies we meet the mothers when they are in this space, when they have just experienced this, the most life-changing and life-affirming experience of their lives. What a powerful platform! We have such a great opportunity to minister and to love and to pray and to bless. Wow.


I have learnt so much in my time with Bosom Buddies. I am astonished by the strength of women, by how much we overcome and achieve in spite of circumstances. The women we meet at HH and Macassar are the poorest in our communities. Yet they are for the most part calm and cheerful and exceedingly loving and caring of their babies. They are open to meet and to chat with our volunteers and most of them welcome a prayer, thanking God for their little miracle.

Look at this woman in the picture. These twin boys were born on 2 July. They were born premature and are still very small, but they’re healthy and strong and they should be fine. It is a generally known fact that kangaroo care (skin-on-skin) is the absolute best for premies. They grow and develop better, they are nice and cosy and warm against their mother’s skin and it creates a womb-like feeling when they’re all cuddled up inside her clothes on her chest against her heart. The astonishing thing about this woman and these two boys is that she is not their mother. She is their granny and will be raising them as her own. She realised that it will be impossible for her daughter to care for these twins without leaving school and they decided that daughter should stay in school. She will have to stay in hospital, doing kangaroo care with the boys for quite a while, until the boys are big enough to go home. When I spoke to her and told her how much I admire her for sacrificing so much to raise her grandchildren and spend weeks in (a really not very comfortable) hospital, she looked at me like I’m the crazy one and said that she didn’t even consider otherwise. It is not a sacrifice! How blessed are they to have TWO boys to add to their family. She would do anything for them, anything at all. 
Love and dedication, seen on the faces of the maternity ward at Helderberg Hospital and Macassar clinic.

Please join us for our Women’s Day celebration, a brunch we will be hosting with School of Hope on Women’s day, 9 August. It is entitled “I am Woman, Being a woman in SA today” and will be interesting and enlightening. 

Pray constantly

Thankfully we have had a quiet week at HH so far. Calm visits to the ward with some bags left-over at the end, the nurses seem relaxed and chatty and the patients are well looked-after and content. Most importantly: no babies born sleeping. The hospital gave us statistics of approximately 8 to 10 stillbirths per month and so far we have experienced just that – about 2 per week. Last week was particularly bad with two in one day. Two such different experiences!

The first mother was in the overfull ward, sitting on a chair with newborns suckling on their moms all around. She sat in the corner, invisible in her misery in pain. Her sister was not allowed in the ward and was sitting outside on a bench, waiting for any news. Mom is called Julie and from Zimbabwe. This is her first baby, a baby boy born at full term, but something went wrong and he didn’t make it. She is married, 26 years old and was so excited about having this son. Julie asked me to dress her little boy in his going-home outfit – a vest, pants, babygro, little hat and blanket, all the brightest happiest yellow. She watched while I carefully dressed him and took some pictures. I pointed out to her all his perfect features: the flawless little fingers, the little button nose, the pouty mouth whilst she drank it in. It was heartbreakingly, intensely difficult. What I could say as I dressed him, is that his going-home outfit is just perfect, as he is now home with Jesus and he is so very very loved.

The second case was poles apart: The mother, Naheema, was very young, from Cape Town, very thin with no expression in her eyes. She got the last bed in the semi-private ward. She was very unemotional and uncommunicative, did not want to see the baby or have any pictures taken. I can’t judge her, because of the dark place she is in and we all react differently to grief, but I could clearly see that she is a drug addict just waiting to get out of there. I have since learnt that now, a week later, her baby’s little body is still there. Naheema conned the hospital staff by giving a false address, she arranged with an undertaker to fetch the baby but cancelled this as she left the hospital. God sent me to wrap baby boy in a blanket and put a little cap on and cry some tears over him. His mother has disappeared and is now wanted by the police.

As everywhere in the world, drugs are a huge problem. In the Cape we struggle with crystal meth (Tik). The rumours are incredible. Just this morning we met a beautiful 22-year-old mom with her gorgeous baby girl, Labiba. Mom told me and the doctor that her cousin told her that Tik will help with labour pains, so she smoked it last night while in labour. Labiba is very sleepy and struggling to breastfeed and so when asked how often she smoked Tik in the pregnancy, the mom said just now and then after the eighth month. She is very adamant that she will never do it again. When I meet these mothers, I make sure they understand that if they feel overwhelmed by motherhood, if they feel they can’t cope, there is help. I am so aware of babies in our area being abandoned and I try my best to make the women understand that there are places they can go for help, that their baby is loved and precious and even she, the mother, is loved and special.

Doctors, nurses, social workers and NGO’s like ours work tirelessly and constantly to save these women and their babies. Unfortunately, often, they fall through the cracks and soon enough revert back to their old ways of drug use, prostitution and alcoholism. And sadly, the thought of what becomes of these babies is unbearable, which is why we just work harder, speak louder, love stronger and pray constantly.

June News

There is a moment, a period of a few hours after the birth of a baby that is extremely unique. The mother and baby are surrounded by an invisible bond- a cloud of adoration and devotion between mother and baby. I have attended some difficult births and without exception the only concern of the mother is for her baby. One such mother took her baby on her chest after she had a long, difficult labour and delivery and her first words to her baby was “sorry baby, sorry, sorry. I have met mothers giving birth to their tenth or more babies that have this same look of reverence when they look at their newborns as the mother of a first child. This is by far the best part of doing what we do, to share in this, to meet these women at this vulnerable, gentle time, to encourage them and congratulate them.

I have often wondered if any of the moms we meet at Helderberg Hospital or Macassar end up abandoning their babies. We have all heard of the dreadful statistics of abandoned babies in the Cape. In 2010 over 450 babies were abandoned in and around Cape Town. I truly hope that none of ‘our’ moms end up abandoning their babies. I genuinely believe that we do make a difference, that our prayer and blessing and gift gives the mother hope and conveys to the mother that her baby is special and that she is special.

There are many theories and lots of debate surrounding this issue of abandoned babies. To me it is simple. The mother is isolated and desperate. She is probably suffering from post-partum depression. She is most likely in an abusive relationship. She is almost certainly very poor and can see no other solution. She is doubtless uneducated and unempowered. She might be HIV positive and the baby could be a result of rape or incest. I can only imagine the hours leading up to the abandonment and the mom’s despair and anguish that will lead her to take this step. My point is that I cannot imagine any of the women I have met at either of ‘our’ local hospitals will reach this point, because at the time we meet them they are looking at their babies with such awe, amazed at their own strength and overwhelmed by love.

I realise that I sound naïve in thinking that the women we meet are different. Yes, they are different, but only because they have us. We pray for them and plant a seed of love and compassion, and we ensure that no baby leaves the hospital without clothes and being snugly wrapped in a blanket. No mom leaves without hygiene products, she can sit in the taxi or walk down the hill with her dignity in tact. After this we encourage them to come to us for breastfeeding advice and to learn to sew and get basic business training. Maybe it’s a drop in a bucket, but for one, two or a hundred women and babies it has made a difference. And that is worth it.

Also, huge thanks to Adventure Bootcamp Team from Somerset West who hosted a Beach Booty day for us on Strand Beach and raised R1350. Thanks Girls!!!

Never easy

Our Breastfeeding support group for Macassar kicked off to great fanfare at the Macassar public library yesterday. It was wonderful and encouraging to see how excited the maternity ward staff were about this group. Nurses, peer counsellors and the nutritionist all contributed to have a huge variety of snacks for the attendees. They even advertised in the local paper! I love that. Attendance was a bit low, but I believe word of mouth will be the best advertising tool in this instance.

One very young couple attended with their 2-month old gorgeous baby girl. Baby girl is drinking a bottle. Why? We asked. Apparently mom was told by a nurse in hospital that her milk is too salty. What a crazy notion! Dad says he spends R800 per month on formula milk. Then the nappies, bottles, teats, all the added expenses of having a baby. This couple is only 20 years old, what a responsibility on such young people. Imagine how much simpler it would’ve been had she persevered, received correct advice and counselling about breastfeeding. Clearly we have a huge job ahead of us in terms of community education with regards to this.

Today I am feeling vulnerable, overwhelmed and sad. Sometimes this, what we do, Bosom Buddies, Thembalitsha, seems so futile. Sometimes I get stuck on the hugeness of the issues, and get overburdened by the enormity of our task. We are not here to change the world, but we are here to make a difference somewhere to some people, to a community, to some people.

Yesterday I met a young mom with a 2-year old boy and a 1-year old little girl. They are very poor and the mom had a dishevelled, drug addicted look to her. Little girl had no nappy on and was dirty. Now, I see this a lot, but sometimes it affects me more than others. I gave her nappies and some food. What more can I do? How can I help? Then I come home to my house with a garden, with a pool for goodness sake. I have TWO inside bathrooms with flush toilets. I have a geyser for hot water. I have electricity to cook food and to have light and to watch tv. I have a washing machine and a tumble drier. Who am I to tell a young mother without any of these things that she should wash her baby’s clothes? She does not have hot water, never mind soap.

A little boy in my daughter’s playgroup died yesterday of pneumonia. The fragility of life is the most frightening thing of all, because even with all these privileges, hot water, flush toilets, warm clothes, Sealy mattresses, we are not guaranteed it.

How can anyone get through a day without faith? How can you not have God to turn to?
As a leader, I am meant to be strong, to counsel my volunteers, and lead my ministry in strength and with courage. This is not always there. I am writing today to ask for prayers, for love and encouragement, because this is not easy. Not even for a day.

Frances

May News

Bosom Buddies is definitely in a growing season. We are positively bursting with ideas and projects that seem to finally be coming together. We are super proud of our sewing project and to have taught such amazing women to sew at our premises. On the 2nd of May we attended the approval market at Southey Vines and we have been approved as a vendor for this coming summer! Southey Vines craft market has a very strict quality control and it is such an honour to know our quality of sewing passes their high standards. So be on the look-out from September every second Saturday for the BB stand at Southey Vines. We’ll be selling our gorgeous quilts, pillows, lovely bags and maybe a surprise or two?


Our Babies Born Sleeping project seems to also be coming together. The wonderful Zoë, who is here all the way from the UK to volunteer for Thembalitsha, has come very far in establishing a support base for mothers who experience miscarriage at Helderberg Hospital. Together with Carolyn, they have set up a group of volunteers and done all the necessary research to get this project started. As with anything, funding is always necessary. We need to make approximately 120 sympathy bags per year. A sympathy bag contains a blanket and cap to dress the baby in for a photograph, sanitary towels and hygiene products such as soap and toothpaste for mom, plus a little cuddly toy also for the photograph and as a small keepsake for the mother.
We are also grateful that the nursing staff are fully accepting of our volunteers and encourage us in this project, for we all know that without their support we wouldn’t get very far.
This is not an easy project to be involved in, but one that is vital and that has been a dream of our BB founder Mel, and myself for a very long time. Please pray with us that it is a success and that our volunteers will bring the much-needed comfort to the lonely moms who experience stillbirth.


Lastly, it is so exciting to let you all know that our New Moms’ Group – Macassar will start in June! This is a breastfeeding support group that runs once weekly, facilitated by BB. In Macassar, our group will be held on Friday mornings in the public library. Our group in Somerset West is at our offices in Lourensford Rd on Wednesdays. 


Thanks again to all our wonderful volunteers and supporters. 

Such fun at our Royal wedding high tea!

On Friday the 29th of April BB held a high tea at the gorgeous Life church. It was a fun-filled morning filled with glamour and tradition. The 60 ladies and 17 children watched the Royal wedding splendour on the big Life church screens. Many thanks to our hostesses Helen, Annette, Amanda, Karlien, Jo and Alice.



Alice won the prize for most stunning table, a night for two at the breathtaking Manor on the Bay, while all the kids received vouchers for Waterworld. Thanks to our great sponsors, the above plus Ster Kinekor, Musica and Reggies, as well as Appletiser for the 80 drinks.

Buy a BB bag for mother's day


Why waste money on a silly mother's day card or wilted flowers? To celebrate mother's day, buy a Bosom Buddies bag for R150 and we'll deliver it to a special mom and babe for you. As a keepsake, you'll get a smiley pic of a very happy mother and her newborn. Bank details on request.

April News

The problem we face in SA is that many pregnant women don’t go for adequate antenatal care. Today I met a young mother with a beautiful baby girl who is brain damaged after her birth. Baby girl was in a breach position and the mother was unaware as she did not go for any antenatal check-ups or ultrasounds. Many clinics in the Helderberg offer antenatal care and mothers are encouraged to go for at least one ultrasound during their pregnancy. This is free.

However, many women across all cultures believe that since pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding is all natural, things just go naturally. Often not much thought goes into it at all, it’s just life. This baby girl could have and should have been a normal, healthy, happy girl. But she’s not, because of a culture of uneducated, unempowered women. This young mother (she is herself only 19 years old!) has to spend the rest of her life caring for a disabled daughter.

Our challenge is to encourage women to go for their check-ups, to empower women to ask questions and to teach women how to properly care for themselves and their babies. 

During April and May we will be making an educational antenatal dvd with the purpose of playing it in our local clinics when women go for their check-ups. This dvd will cover topics such as danger signs in pregnancy, what to expect during labour, the first few hours after birth and caring for a newborn. Our dvd will be done in English, Afrikaans and Xhosa and only about half-an-hour long and our high-tech friends from Life church will be handling the videography. Thanks in advance to Jo Swart for organising this for us.

Bosom Buddies New Moms Support Group

During March our New Moms Support Group kicked off and even though it is a slow start, we are very encouraged by the few women who have joined us for tea and a chat with their babies. Our group runs on Wednesday mornings from 10 till 12 at our sewing room. We offer breastfeeding advice as well as answer any questions a new mom might have in caring for her baby. Tuli and I have received training from the Department of Health and will go on further training during May.    

Bosom Buddies celebrates the Royal Wedding

On 29 April Prince William will be marrying Kate Middleton. Bosom Buddies is hosting a high tea at Life Church to watch the wedding live! Please join us for a fun-filled afternoon, full of glamour, champagne and prizes. Contact Frances at doulafrances@thembalitsha.org.za or 0827691380 for more info and tickets.

Many thanks to our wonderful hard-working volunteers. We appreciate you and all you do don’t go unnoticed.

March News

It is always very difficult when a baby does not survive in birth. Our volunteers often have to deal with stillbirths at Helderberg Hospital. The hospital is a high risk hospital and all complicated pregnancies and births are referred here from Macassar, Grabouw or sometimes even further.

Upon a visit to Helderberg Hospital, we never know what we can come across. Most of the time, our visits are joyful and happy occasions, but sometimes it does happen that we have to talk to a mother who has lost her baby. Obviously all our volunteers don’t feel equipped to handle such a situation and we have realised that there are so many mothers who get no counselling at all. This is not the fault of the staff, the hospital or the church, this is simply a reflection of how busy our local hospital is, the midwives and nurses rush between births plus have to consider the postnatal well-being of mothers and babies, as well as taking care of the sick and premature babies. Getting counselling for berieved mothers (and fathers or grandparents) is often seen as a luxury. That is why we are starting a new project called Babies Born Sleeping. Babies Born Sleeping is being led by Carolyn, who has put together a team of dedicated, loving women who will be on call to counsel mothers that experience stillbirth. We have done a lot of research and now know that mothers are so enveloped in their grief, plus often recovering from a difficult birth that they don’t name and claim their babies, hold their babies and properly grieve for them. This can frequently lead to feelings of regret and depression. Our volunteers offer appropriate counselling to mothers who leave the hospital with empty arms.

Bosom Buddies turns 5!
In February 2006 Melanie Novitzkas and some friends took the first baby bag to Helderberg Hospital. During Mel’s practical training as a doula, she realised the real need of mothers who birth in our public hospitals. They give birth alone, afraid and often without the essentials needed for their new baby.  Bosom Buddies now makes 90 bags per week, filled with a blanket, a set of clothes, some nappies, maternity pads for mom and a product such as cream or soap for baby. We reach 60 moms per week at Helderberg Hospital plus a further 30 at Macassar. We offer our moms skills development in the form of sewing lessons and basic business training. Now we also run Babies Born Sleeping and have other more exciting plans in the pipeline. Happy birthday Bosom Buddies!
   
Bosom Buddies hosts a gala night of Romeo & Juliet at Lourensford   
On Saturday 19 February BB hosted a performance of Romeo & Juliet at the stunningly beautiful Lourensford wine estate. We are grateful to theatre company Carnivals of the Heart who offered us this fundraising opportunity and managed to raise about R1 200. The night was an enormous success with exquisite singing and dancing and wonderful acting. A beautiful tale that remains appropriate even today. The evening was made even more spectacular with the outbreak of a fire very close to the stage area! In those windy conditions it was quite a scary sight, but fortunately our wonderful Somerset West fire department had the fire under control before it could pose any real danger. We salute our local heroes!

February News

Christmas time is always a special time for us. After all, there is not a bigger miracle and blessing than a brand new Christmas baby! On Christmas Day 2010 our volunteers met some friends from Operation Shoebox at the hospital for our visit. Operation Shoebox donated more than 50 beautifully wrapped and lovingly filled boxes as gifts for our moms and their babies. Thank you Operation Shoebox! We look forward to working with you in the years to come.

We are also excited to tell you that our friend Margriet and her twin boys were discharged from hospital two weeks ago. We first met Margriet back in early December when she was admitted to Heldeberg Hospital after going into labour unexpectedly, 10 weeks early. When she arrived at the hospital she was very scared. She was worried for the wellbeing of her babies, couldn’t contact her husband to let him know what was going on and had had to leave her other children in the care of a neighbor. 

Her babies were born that night weighing in at only 900g each! Margriet spent the night praying that her newborn sons would survive. The next morning we visited the hospital and supplied Margriet with a bag for each of her babies containing clothes, nappies and a blanket. We prayed with her and spent time comforting her. She confided that she felt afraid and very alone. Margriet had to remain in hospital for the next five weeks so we all got to know her and her boys very well as we visited the hospital four days a week and always had a hug and a pray with her.

Now her boys are bigger and strong enough, each weighing 1.8kg. Margriet was ecstatic to hear that she could at last take her babies home and introduce them to the rest of their family. She told us that she was so thankful to us: ‘I don’t know how I would have got through this difficult time without your prayers and support’.

At Bosom Buddies we pride ourselves on the love, empathy and compassion of our volunteers. We offer a very valuable service. Our gift to the mothers is so much more than just a baby bag. We offer love, understanding and knowledge. We are all sisters, daughters, mothers and wives. And we love unconditionally.

Wishing all our friends and volunteers a wonderful 2011, filled with blessings, love and laughter.

“Heart shattered lives ready for love don’t for a moment escape God’s notice.” Psalm 51:17