Pray constantly

Thankfully we have had a quiet week at HH so far. Calm visits to the ward with some bags left-over at the end, the nurses seem relaxed and chatty and the patients are well looked-after and content. Most importantly: no babies born sleeping. The hospital gave us statistics of approximately 8 to 10 stillbirths per month and so far we have experienced just that – about 2 per week. Last week was particularly bad with two in one day. Two such different experiences!

The first mother was in the overfull ward, sitting on a chair with newborns suckling on their moms all around. She sat in the corner, invisible in her misery in pain. Her sister was not allowed in the ward and was sitting outside on a bench, waiting for any news. Mom is called Julie and from Zimbabwe. This is her first baby, a baby boy born at full term, but something went wrong and he didn’t make it. She is married, 26 years old and was so excited about having this son. Julie asked me to dress her little boy in his going-home outfit – a vest, pants, babygro, little hat and blanket, all the brightest happiest yellow. She watched while I carefully dressed him and took some pictures. I pointed out to her all his perfect features: the flawless little fingers, the little button nose, the pouty mouth whilst she drank it in. It was heartbreakingly, intensely difficult. What I could say as I dressed him, is that his going-home outfit is just perfect, as he is now home with Jesus and he is so very very loved.

The second case was poles apart: The mother, Naheema, was very young, from Cape Town, very thin with no expression in her eyes. She got the last bed in the semi-private ward. She was very unemotional and uncommunicative, did not want to see the baby or have any pictures taken. I can’t judge her, because of the dark place she is in and we all react differently to grief, but I could clearly see that she is a drug addict just waiting to get out of there. I have since learnt that now, a week later, her baby’s little body is still there. Naheema conned the hospital staff by giving a false address, she arranged with an undertaker to fetch the baby but cancelled this as she left the hospital. God sent me to wrap baby boy in a blanket and put a little cap on and cry some tears over him. His mother has disappeared and is now wanted by the police.

As everywhere in the world, drugs are a huge problem. In the Cape we struggle with crystal meth (Tik). The rumours are incredible. Just this morning we met a beautiful 22-year-old mom with her gorgeous baby girl, Labiba. Mom told me and the doctor that her cousin told her that Tik will help with labour pains, so she smoked it last night while in labour. Labiba is very sleepy and struggling to breastfeed and so when asked how often she smoked Tik in the pregnancy, the mom said just now and then after the eighth month. She is very adamant that she will never do it again. When I meet these mothers, I make sure they understand that if they feel overwhelmed by motherhood, if they feel they can’t cope, there is help. I am so aware of babies in our area being abandoned and I try my best to make the women understand that there are places they can go for help, that their baby is loved and precious and even she, the mother, is loved and special.

Doctors, nurses, social workers and NGO’s like ours work tirelessly and constantly to save these women and their babies. Unfortunately, often, they fall through the cracks and soon enough revert back to their old ways of drug use, prostitution and alcoholism. And sadly, the thought of what becomes of these babies is unbearable, which is why we just work harder, speak louder, love stronger and pray constantly.