Shamiela* is a young woman of 19,
mother of 3 children aged 4 years, 2 years and 8 months. She lives with her
parents and her sister and next door to her best friend, who also has a baby.
In a society where teenage pregnancies
are commonplace and accepted, we find that more and more girls (and of course
the men involved) are careless in their sexual practices. It is not a lack of
knowledge or a lack of sex education, it is not even a lack of understanding of
the consequences of falling pregnant. It is also not necessarily what a lot of
people believe, which is that she has babies in order to benefit from the child
support grant of R250 per child per month. We all know that this is not nearly
enough to support a child. Most women we meet, no matter their age, are
unmarried. According to our statistics, less than 25% of the women who attend
our support groups are married. This implies that it is also only about 25% of
mothers who are supported by the fathers of the children.
So why are incidences of teenage
pregnancy so prevalent? Statistics show that a teenage girl who has a baby
before her 20th birthday will be pregnant again within two years.
Sadly, even with our intervention and influence, we find this to be true as
well. I think Shamiela’s story answers this question for us.
Shamiela’s* father drinks and uses
drugs, her mother as well. They work on and off, there usually is not much
money. Violence is an everyday thing, which is not extraordinary in this
community. At 14 years old Shamiela meets a boy. They are in love as only 14
year olds can be - passionately, completely and overpoweringly. This boy loves
Shamiela, she feels more than anyone has ever loved her before. This might even
be true. Shamiela says it is her and him against the world, but inevitably they
are also lured into the world of drugs, in particular the popular and deadly
addictive ‘tik’. Within a few months Shamiela finds that she is pregnant. Her
parents are angry, but as this is a commonplace occurrence, accept it. Shamiela
dotes on her first baby, but feels her boyfriend is slipping away in the
mundane and stressful early months of having a baby. After a year and finding
out that her boyfriend has been cheating on her, Shamiela decides that the only
way to hold onto this love, would be to have another child and so she does.
During her second pregnancy the boy breaks up with her anyway and so she and
her parents are stuck with 2 children to support and raise. Where does Shamiela
find acceptance and esteem? In the arms of another man, of course. This time
the man is older with a stable job and promises to support her and her
children. These are empty promises, undoubtedly and soon Shamiela finds herself
where she is now: single mother of three children under 5 years old and no
means to support them, including having given up her schooling at the age of
16.
Shamiela’s story is not uncommon.
She is one of many teenage mothers we come across. Our work starts at the
clinics where we meet the mothers as they come for antenatal care or
breastfeeding advice, but soon we become shoulders to cry on and arms to lean
on, often just an ear to listen. You see, Shamiela has never really felt heard.
In her despondency we are able to offer friendship, counselling and often
practical advice. It is hard and often frustrating. It is by the grace of God
and the determination that we start each day believing firmly that this day we
will make a difference, we will touch someone, change her life for the better.
This is why we do what we do. This is what it’s all about.
*Name has been changed.
