Pray constantly

Thankfully we have had a quiet week at HH so far. Calm visits to the ward with some bags left-over at the end, the nurses seem relaxed and chatty and the patients are well looked-after and content. Most importantly: no babies born sleeping. The hospital gave us statistics of approximately 8 to 10 stillbirths per month and so far we have experienced just that – about 2 per week. Last week was particularly bad with two in one day. Two such different experiences!

The first mother was in the overfull ward, sitting on a chair with newborns suckling on their moms all around. She sat in the corner, invisible in her misery in pain. Her sister was not allowed in the ward and was sitting outside on a bench, waiting for any news. Mom is called Julie and from Zimbabwe. This is her first baby, a baby boy born at full term, but something went wrong and he didn’t make it. She is married, 26 years old and was so excited about having this son. Julie asked me to dress her little boy in his going-home outfit – a vest, pants, babygro, little hat and blanket, all the brightest happiest yellow. She watched while I carefully dressed him and took some pictures. I pointed out to her all his perfect features: the flawless little fingers, the little button nose, the pouty mouth whilst she drank it in. It was heartbreakingly, intensely difficult. What I could say as I dressed him, is that his going-home outfit is just perfect, as he is now home with Jesus and he is so very very loved.

The second case was poles apart: The mother, Naheema, was very young, from Cape Town, very thin with no expression in her eyes. She got the last bed in the semi-private ward. She was very unemotional and uncommunicative, did not want to see the baby or have any pictures taken. I can’t judge her, because of the dark place she is in and we all react differently to grief, but I could clearly see that she is a drug addict just waiting to get out of there. I have since learnt that now, a week later, her baby’s little body is still there. Naheema conned the hospital staff by giving a false address, she arranged with an undertaker to fetch the baby but cancelled this as she left the hospital. God sent me to wrap baby boy in a blanket and put a little cap on and cry some tears over him. His mother has disappeared and is now wanted by the police.

As everywhere in the world, drugs are a huge problem. In the Cape we struggle with crystal meth (Tik). The rumours are incredible. Just this morning we met a beautiful 22-year-old mom with her gorgeous baby girl, Labiba. Mom told me and the doctor that her cousin told her that Tik will help with labour pains, so she smoked it last night while in labour. Labiba is very sleepy and struggling to breastfeed and so when asked how often she smoked Tik in the pregnancy, the mom said just now and then after the eighth month. She is very adamant that she will never do it again. When I meet these mothers, I make sure they understand that if they feel overwhelmed by motherhood, if they feel they can’t cope, there is help. I am so aware of babies in our area being abandoned and I try my best to make the women understand that there are places they can go for help, that their baby is loved and precious and even she, the mother, is loved and special.

Doctors, nurses, social workers and NGO’s like ours work tirelessly and constantly to save these women and their babies. Unfortunately, often, they fall through the cracks and soon enough revert back to their old ways of drug use, prostitution and alcoholism. And sadly, the thought of what becomes of these babies is unbearable, which is why we just work harder, speak louder, love stronger and pray constantly.

June News

There is a moment, a period of a few hours after the birth of a baby that is extremely unique. The mother and baby are surrounded by an invisible bond- a cloud of adoration and devotion between mother and baby. I have attended some difficult births and without exception the only concern of the mother is for her baby. One such mother took her baby on her chest after she had a long, difficult labour and delivery and her first words to her baby was “sorry baby, sorry, sorry. I have met mothers giving birth to their tenth or more babies that have this same look of reverence when they look at their newborns as the mother of a first child. This is by far the best part of doing what we do, to share in this, to meet these women at this vulnerable, gentle time, to encourage them and congratulate them.

I have often wondered if any of the moms we meet at Helderberg Hospital or Macassar end up abandoning their babies. We have all heard of the dreadful statistics of abandoned babies in the Cape. In 2010 over 450 babies were abandoned in and around Cape Town. I truly hope that none of ‘our’ moms end up abandoning their babies. I genuinely believe that we do make a difference, that our prayer and blessing and gift gives the mother hope and conveys to the mother that her baby is special and that she is special.

There are many theories and lots of debate surrounding this issue of abandoned babies. To me it is simple. The mother is isolated and desperate. She is probably suffering from post-partum depression. She is most likely in an abusive relationship. She is almost certainly very poor and can see no other solution. She is doubtless uneducated and unempowered. She might be HIV positive and the baby could be a result of rape or incest. I can only imagine the hours leading up to the abandonment and the mom’s despair and anguish that will lead her to take this step. My point is that I cannot imagine any of the women I have met at either of ‘our’ local hospitals will reach this point, because at the time we meet them they are looking at their babies with such awe, amazed at their own strength and overwhelmed by love.

I realise that I sound naïve in thinking that the women we meet are different. Yes, they are different, but only because they have us. We pray for them and plant a seed of love and compassion, and we ensure that no baby leaves the hospital without clothes and being snugly wrapped in a blanket. No mom leaves without hygiene products, she can sit in the taxi or walk down the hill with her dignity in tact. After this we encourage them to come to us for breastfeeding advice and to learn to sew and get basic business training. Maybe it’s a drop in a bucket, but for one, two or a hundred women and babies it has made a difference. And that is worth it.

Also, huge thanks to Adventure Bootcamp Team from Somerset West who hosted a Beach Booty day for us on Strand Beach and raised R1350. Thanks Girls!!!