2014 in review

Year 9 in the existence of Bosom Buddies has brought some changes and challenges, laughter and tears, new relationships and strengthening of old bonds.

Some of the highlights:

Bosom Buddies becomes Mama Themba! Probably the highlight of the year for us, and a proud moment. The name change has been a while in coming. Our new name signifies our unity with our parent organisation, Thembalitsha Foundation, as well as our increased focus on the MOTHER. We love mothers. Our existence and all our efforts are geared towards the empowerment and education of mothers.

As fellow mothers, we know and understand too well that the intense way in which a mother loves is immeasurable; that our love is without boundaries and can't be counted and compared. That even when we mess up and our children get hurt, the pain is unbearable. This is why we teach mothers how to care for their babies, what we know is best for their babies, while they get confusing and wrong messages from the world around them at a very vulnerable time.

Our beautiful breastfeeding peer counsellors:

Our regular readers and supporters will know about Zoleka's tragedy in which she lost her husband and all three her children in an accident last year December. Hence our year started on a very sad note.

As an update, Zoleka has been back at work since March and is doing well. She is extremely popular and in great demand at all our clinics. Currently she spends full time at Helderberg Hospital in the maternity ward, helping mothers with breastfeeding in the critical first few hours after birth.

We are very proud of her.

Liezl has done very well this year and now covers the following clinics: Sir Lowrys Pass, Eersterivier, Macassar, Fagan street in Strand and Gordon's Bay.

Mama Themba ends 2014 on a high note with 104 shoeboxes donated from Operation Shoebox. Our volunteers LOVE delivering the shoeboxes around Christmas each year. Thanks again Shoeboxers!

We look forward to expanding in 2015, covering a larger area and employing more staff. Many thanks to our supporters. With much love, warm blessings and season's greetings.

Frances

Zoleka delivering a shoebox to precious new mom.

#doulafran in action.

Educating teen moms

In South Africa, less than 8% of mothers’ breastfeed exclusively for 6 months after their baby’s birth. Yet our infant mortality rates are alarmingly high. The World Health Organisation in partnership with Unicef is driving a worldwide campaign to increase breastfeeding rates and hence positively impact infant mortality and morbidity. The majority of infant deaths in rural as well as urban South African are from illnesses such as pneumonia and diarrhoea, which are 100% preventable through the right breastfeeding practices. The large HIV/Aids rates in SA complicates the matter, and breastfeeding and lactation consultants need specialised training in working with the diverse cultural differences, poverty levels as well as levels of education of the mothers we meet.

Through the interventions of Mama Themba, we assist local hospitals Helderberg Hospital, Macassar Day Hospital as well as Grabouw Day Hospital in achieving Mother Baby Friendly Status, which means that these hospitals comply with the WHO standards of educating and supporting mothers who breastfeed.

During September, we spent a day at Cotlands in Macassar, educating pregnant teen girls on labour and birth, what they can expect when they come to the hospital to deliver their babies and all about breastfeeding. These girls are now forming our teen mums support group, and will get together with us and support each other through their pregnancies and when their babies are still small. Being a teen mum is especially challenging and we encourage them to form friendships and support each other.

Support groups are very effective in teaching women in an informal setting, and also relieves a lot of the fear and pressure that mothers may be feeling. We love support groups and will continue to endeavour to establish more in our communities.

Frances and Liezl with teen mothers in Macassar

Zoleka in action at Helderberg Hospital

HUGE FANFARE AS THE TYGERVALLEY HARLEY DAVIDSON CLUB DELIVERS A DONATION TO THEMBALITSHA

Somerset West was the scene of a roaring convoy from the Tygervalley Harley Davidson club as they drove from Cape Town to the Thembalitsha Foundation offices on Lourensford Road last week. The slub made this special trip to deliver a donation of baby goods to Thembalitsha’s project Mama Themba (formerly known as Bosom Buddies).

Mama Themba serves our local hospital, Helderberg Hospital, by delivering baby bags to new mothers who give birth here. Each mom receives a bag with baby clothes, nappies, a blanket, sanitary towels and whatever else mom may need for baby’s first day. Each bag is hand delivered by this volunteer-driven project.

Mama Themba further impacts infant mortality and morbidity by giving antenatal and breastfeeding education and support to all feeder clinics, spanning as far as Grabouw to Kleinvlei.

The project was also joined by representatives from Truworths’ fashion department, who brought goods they had collected as a part of their Mandela Day initiative.

All contributions go directly to support mothers in desperate need via the Mama Themba project.

If you are interested in volunteering or would like to assist Mama Themba by donating gently used baby clothes, nappies or sanitary towels, email Thembalitsha at info@thembalitsha.org.za or call them on 021 852 3425.

Thembalitsha staff and members of the Tygerberg Harley Davidson Club.

Frances with representatives from Truworths.

What's in a name? The launch of MAMA THEMBA

Bosom Buddies has evolved greatly in the eight years since its conception. My good friend and mentor, Melanie Novitzkas founded BB in 2006 while she was training to be a doula. During her practicals at our local hospital, she realised that many mothers go to hospital to give birth without having the necessary essentials for themselves and their babies. Melanie fervently started collecting and making bags for new moms. She grew Bosom Buddies and got integrated into the Thembalitsha Foundation; when I took over as manager in 2010 the BB volunteers visited 2 hospitals and produced 400 bags per month with three full time employees. Such tremendous growth speaks volume of this determined and lovingly generous founder. Melanie treasured the time she spent with the mothers, focusing on the spiritual and praying life and love over each mother and baby. With boundless compassion and empathy, Melanie grew Bosom Buddies to a well-known and much loved organisation in our area.

I was excited and inspired to continue this project with the simple aim of loving mothers. My passion as a teacher and campaigner for women’s rights led me to investigate why we experience so many stillbirths here. And why is the infant mortality rate so high in SA, but more importantly, here in our area? I loathe the fact that the poorest of the poor, women who have given birth six hours previously, have to walk 3km down a steep hill, through one of the most affluent areas in SA, to get into a taxi that will take her home to an RDP house or shack, possibly without running water or electricity. I did not understand why the women give birth alone, why they are so unempowered as to not know their rights to ask questions, but simply to ‘allow’ or accept things to happen to them or be done to them. Now, 4 years later, I have even more questions, but I also have a lot more understanding of the life of the average South African woman. She has many faces, but my heart is with the one who lives in the township or our poorer urban communities. I understand her struggles to raise her children in the gang-driven and drugs-prone Cape landscape. I understand (yet will never ever accept) why so many families have absent fathers, why we fall victim to too many teenage pregnancies, why the HIV rates are so high here, and how women constantly search for love and acceptance, for something beautiful amidst a life that is particularly hard.

As the supporters of Bosom Buddies know, we have expanded our services and now offer breastfeeding education and support at most clinics that feed into our hospital, Helderberg Hospital.

The benefits of exclusive breastfeeding are too vast to explain in this post, and I will explain in more detail in a next newsletter. Appropriate antenatal education is vital and a focus of our new direction.

So why change our name? I wanted a name in line with the Thembalitsha Foundation, something with ‘hope’ or ‘themba’ in the title. I love our foundation and that I don’t feel isolated in my work and am extremely proud of all our projects. I wanted a name that displays who we work with – mothers, and that is also not yet taken. Hence, the birth of MAMA THEMBA.

Proudly and excitedly looking to the future of changing lives and developing people to a point of self-reliance.

#doulafran

 At our recent launch of MAMA Themba.

In the absence of a father

In celebrating father’s day with my own family this past weekend, I was completely aware that the majority of mothers we meet raise their children without husbands, that many children grow up without fathers. It saddens me to think that so many families are broken and that there is this huge gap of influence for too many children.

As a part of our information gathering, we keep statistics of every mother we meet. One of our questions are whether she is married. I’m afraid to say that the vast majority are not. Granted, being married does not mean the children are without a father, but what it means is that the children grow up without a PRESENT father.

Sociologist, Dr. David Popenoe, is one of the pioneers of the relatively young field of research into fathers and fatherhood. "Fathers are far more than just 'second adults' in the home," he says. "Involved fathers bring positive benefits to their children that no other person is as likely to bring."¹

Sadly, especially when meeting teenage moms, it is hard to convince them of the importance of having a father present. In the society in which we live and work, it has become acceptable and the norm for grandmothers to raise children of their teen daughters. There is a sad state of affairs which can almost be described as a lack of ambition, a feeling of ‘if it was ok for me, it is ok for my child’. I often wonder why more people don’t want more for their children, better than what we had?

Our mothers are isolated and alone and frequently driven to extremely heart-breaking and desperate decisions, often feeling so overwhelmed and depressed that they might see no other way than to abandon their babies. Over 500 babies are abandoned in Cape Town alone each year.

In instances of extreme poverty and unemployment, desperation soars and abuse is often a part of daily living. Women are abused and a sense of acquiescence allows it to continue. 

“One of the most important influences a father can have on his child is indirect—fathers influence their children in large part through the quality of their relationship with the mother of their children. A father who has a good relationship with the mother of their children is more likely to be involved and to spend time with their children and to have children who are psychologically and emotionally healthier. Similarly, a mother who feels affirmed by her children's father and who enjoys the benefits of a happy relationship is more likely to be a better mother. Indeed, the quality of the relationship affects the parenting behaviour of both parents.”¹

At Bosom Buddies we are investigating a holistic approach in supporting mothers through the first 1000 days of their baby’s lives. We anticipate meeting the mother in the first trimester of pregnancy, and walking alongside her until her child enters preschool at age 2. Our empowerment will include topics such as health, safety, nutrition, stimulation, discipline, positive parenting and more. We hope to initiate a pilot programme to this effect in Grabouw from early next year. We encourage support groups within the community, where women form bonds of sisterhood and friendship and support, because at the end of the day our counsellors go home to their own families and the mothers go home alone and we all know that a hand to hold and a heart to understand is sometimes all that we need. And often all that we have to offer. 

¹ https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/usermanuals/fatherhood/chaptertwo.cfm

Being Woman

Loving a stranger...

Women have strengths that amaze men...

They bear hardships and they carry burdens,

but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy

and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in・

They stand up to injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer

when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.

They go to the

doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel

and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about

a birth or a wedding...

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member,

yet they are strong when they

think there is no strength left...

They know that a hug and a kiss

can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colours.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you

to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what

makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.

They have compassion and ideas.

They give moral support to their

family and friends.

Women have vital things to say

and everything to give..

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS

ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,

IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Take the time today to acknowledge the incredible women YOU are. 

This beautiful poem was sent to me by one of my wonderful volunteers. Our volunteers selflessly visit moms in hospital and spend some special time with each one. I thank you and honour you today. BB would not exist without you.

#doulafran

Fundraiser time!

Bosom Buddies fundraisers are legendary as occasions where huge fun is had in celebration of what we have achieved and continue to work towards daily. We gave 2013 a skip but are determined to host an event that surpasses all others we've done before. Prepare yourself for…

An out of Africa Experience not to be missed!

Dressed in White and/or Khaki with your voluptuous hat, arrive in time for a sundowner of gin and tonic to play some croquet, boules and other games on the lawn in front of the forest.
Then wander through into the courtyard where you’ll be welcomed by the smell of freshly baked rosemary-infused potbrood which you can eat together with paté and olives.

Later you’ll be treated to:
· Lightly dusted hake on puk choi with a paprika/cashew nut crust and wedges

· Plankie Steak and crisp salad

· Chicken Kebabs

· Deboned Lamb neck on Mediterranean vegetables

· Boerewors with a mustard mayo sauce

Sit down and relax and laugh around the long table, or have a boogie on the dancefloor! Linger at the bar or join the card room for some games – and note all winnings goes to Thembalitsha.
Join the fun and banter in the lounge and smoke the finest cigars with your whiskey or brandy. Finish the evening with a good coffee while the waterfall soothes you in the background.

Plus… you can expect some BIG news on the night! Make sure you don’t miss out on some exciting news and be sure to be there! Limited space so book your tickets asap.

Please pay for your tickets via EFT to

Bosom Buddies

Nedbank           

Branch Code 114145

Acc #: 1141018144

Please put your name and Africa as reference.

Tiny little miracles

Gorgeous mom with tiny prem.

One of the privileges of being a volunteer for Bosom Buddies is that we build relationships with the moms who stay in the kangaroo room.

With HH being a high risk hospital, a lot of mothers get referred here with complications in their pregnancies, and especially when in labour with premature babies. In the labour ward is a room where these mothers stay while they wait for their babies to grow to an acceptable weight for them to be discharged. This room is called the kangaroo room, since moms are encouraged to keep the babies against their chests, skin-to-skin (really beneficial for growth and brain development, and amazingly, no incubator is necessary since mom keeps baby at the perfect temperature!). These babies are unbelievably, miraculously tiny. They get discharged when their weight reaches 1.8kg, so in hospital we meet babies from 600g and up. It is these moms who we get to know, who we like to spend time with, encourage and reassure.

Below are a few notes we have received from the kangaroo moms this past month. It is encouraging and wonderful to receive some acknowledgement of what we do and that we do touch their lives in a significant, tangible way.

Hello there my name is X, who gave birth to a beautiful baby boy in Helderberg Hospital on Saturday. You guys came on Monday to give s bags with nappies, pads and baby blankets. I just want to thank you about because I had quite a few of mine (nappies) and so with yours I manage to change my baby using yours cause mine were finished already. I really appreciate what you guys do to people. Thank you Thank you and thank you and God Bless.

Yours Faithfully

X

To people who stole my heart!!

The bags was a amazing gift and me and my baby girl really appreciate it a lot!! I’m really thankfull for the bag and the stuff that was in there! Thank you very much!

Dear Bushem Buddy’s

I’m only thanking you for giving out the bags cause it came in very handy especiallty when you have nothing. I do really mean to say thank you very much. Keep on with good work buddy’s it helps each and every mother appreciate it.

I would like to thank you guys for the good job use are doing. We as mothers appriceheat it for what use are doing. The things you give us and the baby’s it helps a lot because we get a lot of people that are in need of baby stuff. So keep up the good work u guys do and again thanks a lot for the goodies.

From: Dominic

Update on Zoleka

Last month I shared with our supporters what Zoleka and our team have been experiencing these last 3 months. We have been overwhelmed by the love and support shown to Zoleka and the whole of the BB team.

A quick update:

On 13 December 2013 her husband, daughter of 12, boys of 5 and 3, sister-in-law and 1-year old nephew died in a horrific car accident on the N1 on their way to Mozambique where her husband's family lives. Finally, after 10 agonising weeks, with DNA tests done, the police have released the bodies of Zoleka's family on 25 Feb. They deserve a beautiful burial in the place of her husband's birth - Mozambique. On Tuesday the 4^th of March,  Zoleka began the journey to take her family home. As you can imagine, this is a very difficult exercise.

We expect Zoleka back on 24 March. Please continue praying in support of Zoleka and those of us walking this road alongside her.

A difficult Christmas season for Bosom Buddies

Thuli, Frances, Zoleka and Liezl in December

The Thembalitsha Foundation is about people. We are about hope and love, about relationships and understanding, about giving but also receiving. At Bosom Buddies we are like a small family, a group of sisters working towards the same goal – to save lives, to teach mothers and to encourage our volunteers to reach out to those women they meet at the hospital.

Our breastfeeding peer counsellors, Zoleka and Liezl, are highly trained and have between them 15 years’ experience in breastfeeding education. I am a qualified trainer in lactation management and educate people who work with pregnant and breastfeeding mothers.

It is no surprise that we have grown very fond of each other in the time we've worked together. Zoleka and Liezl form an integral part of my vision and my dream of reaching all women who don’t have access to antenatal education and breastfeeding support. They are our hands and feet, at the clinics daily doing their thing in teaching and encouraging moms.

In December, we did an interview with Zoleka for this blog, whom I admire tremendously. We read there how Zoleka has had a very difficult childhood and was an orphan from age 15. How lonely and abandoned she felt at times. I felt proud of Zoleka for being so open and honest during the interview process and knew our supporters would be happy for her having a happy and fulfilled life – married with three children of her own, no longer lonely or abandoned. A life filled with family and her job her passion – to teach mothers (especially HIV positive mothers) on how to safely care for their babies.

Imagine my despair when I received a phone call in the evening of Friday 13 December that Zoleka’s family – her husband, three children, sister-in-law with her baby – were in a car accident on their way to Mozambique. That her whole family is gone in an instant, that overnight she is again all alone. Together with Zoleka we started a grieving process that is inconceivably painful, unbelievably sorrowful, agonizingly, excruciatingly long and sore. We have wept with her, not knowing how to console, what to do. We have attempted to help with the practicalities such as DNA testing, dealing with forensics and police. We have attended the memorial service at the school for Zoleka’s daughter and held little heartbroken girls. We ask many questions that will never have answers. This woman who has already suffered too much in her life. This woman who sacrifices daily in order to serve other mothers.

This week of 11 February Zoleka starts work again. She is determined to move on, to start again with an inner strength and faith that is to me, at least, almost astonishing.