It has been a year since we met
Sophie at our breastfeeding support group in Macassar. She was referred to our
group whilst pregnant with her third child. The antenatal clinic sister thought that Sophie could benefit from joining our group.
Sophie is young, under 25 years,
and not a small girl. She has a few tattoos, she is confident and outspoken and
often had the group in stitches. What we loved about Sophie was that she was
extremely forthcoming with her story and her experiences and not shy to tell us
about mistakes she has made and how she has learnt from them.
She left her parent’s home at 17
when she fell in love with the man who also gave her the first taste of Tik.
She soon became addicted to the drug and reverted to crime to pay for her habit.
When Sophie went to jail she was only 19 years old. After her release at 22,
she was unsure of what to do, where to go. Totally alone in the world, she was vulnerable
to anyone who would offer her a roof over her head and some kindness and found
that in a man she thought will look after her and help her get on her feet. Sophie quickly relapsed back into the drug
scene and fell pregnant with her first child soon after. When this baby was born
disabled, it was devastating for Sophie. The child was taken from her by his
paternal grandparents, who wouldn’t allow her to see him or ever get any news
of her baby. The same happened with her second baby and it was after having her
second child taken from her that Sophie decided she needs to change her life
completely.
We meet Sophie at this point. She
is clean, off the drugs, pregnant with her third child (from the same father)
and has vowed that this time things will be different. This baby will not be
taken from her. She shared with us the physical, emotional and financial abuse
she has suffered at the hands of her boyfriend and his parents. How she longs
to see her children who are living with their grandparents, but they refuse her
access. She dreams of a future with this child, away from the violence and
ugliness that she has grown accustomed to, yet knows that it is not normal or
natural in any way. We saw Sophie over a few months as she attended our groups
weekly and formed beautiful friendships with us as well as the other women
there. We know that Sophie gave birth to a healthy baby girl and that she found
a place to stay and part time work. She also told us that her boyfriend doesn’t
know where she is. Then suddenly she stopped coming. We were concerned, but
hoped that it meant that she had full time work and didn’t have the time to
come to our weekly meetings.
The last time one of the BB counsellors
saw Sophie was by chance, at Helderberg Hospital. Sophie had a cracked lip and
a black eye, but she was devastated, could hardly communicate her distressed story
of how her boyfriend found her, and attacked her and their baby. He grabbed the
baby from Sophie’s arms and threw her up in the air and let her drop to the
ground. Sophie grabbed the baby and ran away, without shoes on her feet, to the
clinic. Miraculously baby survived. We haven’t seen or heard from Sophie since
and don’t know where she is or how she is. I fear for her life and that of her
daughter’s.
What disturbs me about stories
such as Sophie’s is the sense of hopelessness that threads through her life and
now her daughter’s. Doing what we do, we meet hundreds of women every month,
each with a story, beautiful and devastating. Working or volunteering for
Thembalitsha, in particular Bosom Buddies, opens our eyes, minds and hearts to
these women. We listen, comfort and encourage. We empower and educate. But we
struggle against patriarchy and oppression, against abuse and victimisation,
against poverty, drug abuse and illness. Often it feels like a losing battle,
and we are plagued by the what-if’s and question what we could have done
differently. The reality is that we simply do what we can and trust God for the
rest. Thembalitsha = New Hope. Every day I pray for Sophie and the hundreds and
thousands of women like her that I have met. I hope that we brought at least
that little bit of hope, and our success stories, those that make our hearts
leap with excitement and our stomachs turn with pride, those stories deserve to
be told, but Sophie’s story is more important. She is the one that fell through
the cracks, and there are many more like her.
During 2013 we met near 8000
women through our breastfeeding support. I am so proud of my breastfeeding peer
counsellors, Liezl and Zoleka, for saving lives and impacting infant mortality.
I am thankful for my volunteers who have delivered 5000 Bosom Buddies Bags this
year. Our reach is huge. Our love is bigger. Our hearts for mothers are infinite.
Wishing all our readers and
supporters a beautiful festive season. Thank you for your continued prayer and
support.
Frances
The baby whisperer. Doula Fran
