Tiny little miracles

Gorgeous mom with tiny prem.

One of the privileges of being a volunteer for Bosom Buddies is that we build relationships with the moms who stay in the kangaroo room.

With HH being a high risk hospital, a lot of mothers get referred here with complications in their pregnancies, and especially when in labour with premature babies. In the labour ward is a room where these mothers stay while they wait for their babies to grow to an acceptable weight for them to be discharged. This room is called the kangaroo room, since moms are encouraged to keep the babies against their chests, skin-to-skin (really beneficial for growth and brain development, and amazingly, no incubator is necessary since mom keeps baby at the perfect temperature!). These babies are unbelievably, miraculously tiny. They get discharged when their weight reaches 1.8kg, so in hospital we meet babies from 600g and up. It is these moms who we get to know, who we like to spend time with, encourage and reassure.

Below are a few notes we have received from the kangaroo moms this past month. It is encouraging and wonderful to receive some acknowledgement of what we do and that we do touch their lives in a significant, tangible way.

Hello there my name is X, who gave birth to a beautiful baby boy in Helderberg Hospital on Saturday. You guys came on Monday to give s bags with nappies, pads and baby blankets. I just want to thank you about because I had quite a few of mine (nappies) and so with yours I manage to change my baby using yours cause mine were finished already. I really appreciate what you guys do to people. Thank you Thank you and thank you and God Bless.

Yours Faithfully

X

To people who stole my heart!!

The bags was a amazing gift and me and my baby girl really appreciate it a lot!! I’m really thankfull for the bag and the stuff that was in there! Thank you very much!

Dear Bushem Buddy’s

I’m only thanking you for giving out the bags cause it came in very handy especiallty when you have nothing. I do really mean to say thank you very much. Keep on with good work buddy’s it helps each and every mother appreciate it.

I would like to thank you guys for the good job use are doing. We as mothers appriceheat it for what use are doing. The things you give us and the baby’s it helps a lot because we get a lot of people that are in need of baby stuff. So keep up the good work u guys do and again thanks a lot for the goodies.

From: Dominic

Update on Zoleka

Last month I shared with our supporters what Zoleka and our team have been experiencing these last 3 months. We have been overwhelmed by the love and support shown to Zoleka and the whole of the BB team.

A quick update:

On 13 December 2013 her husband, daughter of 12, boys of 5 and 3, sister-in-law and 1-year old nephew died in a horrific car accident on the N1 on their way to Mozambique where her husband's family lives. Finally, after 10 agonising weeks, with DNA tests done, the police have released the bodies of Zoleka's family on 25 Feb. They deserve a beautiful burial in the place of her husband's birth - Mozambique. On Tuesday the 4^th of March,  Zoleka began the journey to take her family home. As you can imagine, this is a very difficult exercise.

We expect Zoleka back on 24 March. Please continue praying in support of Zoleka and those of us walking this road alongside her.

A difficult Christmas season for Bosom Buddies

Thuli, Frances, Zoleka and Liezl in December

The Thembalitsha Foundation is about people. We are about hope and love, about relationships and understanding, about giving but also receiving. At Bosom Buddies we are like a small family, a group of sisters working towards the same goal – to save lives, to teach mothers and to encourage our volunteers to reach out to those women they meet at the hospital.

Our breastfeeding peer counsellors, Zoleka and Liezl, are highly trained and have between them 15 years’ experience in breastfeeding education. I am a qualified trainer in lactation management and educate people who work with pregnant and breastfeeding mothers.

It is no surprise that we have grown very fond of each other in the time we've worked together. Zoleka and Liezl form an integral part of my vision and my dream of reaching all women who don’t have access to antenatal education and breastfeeding support. They are our hands and feet, at the clinics daily doing their thing in teaching and encouraging moms.

In December, we did an interview with Zoleka for this blog, whom I admire tremendously. We read there how Zoleka has had a very difficult childhood and was an orphan from age 15. How lonely and abandoned she felt at times. I felt proud of Zoleka for being so open and honest during the interview process and knew our supporters would be happy for her having a happy and fulfilled life – married with three children of her own, no longer lonely or abandoned. A life filled with family and her job her passion – to teach mothers (especially HIV positive mothers) on how to safely care for their babies.

Imagine my despair when I received a phone call in the evening of Friday 13 December that Zoleka’s family – her husband, three children, sister-in-law with her baby – were in a car accident on their way to Mozambique. That her whole family is gone in an instant, that overnight she is again all alone. Together with Zoleka we started a grieving process that is inconceivably painful, unbelievably sorrowful, agonizingly, excruciatingly long and sore. We have wept with her, not knowing how to console, what to do. We have attempted to help with the practicalities such as DNA testing, dealing with forensics and police. We have attended the memorial service at the school for Zoleka’s daughter and held little heartbroken girls. We ask many questions that will never have answers. This woman who has already suffered too much in her life. This woman who sacrifices daily in order to serve other mothers.

This week of 11 February Zoleka starts work again. She is determined to move on, to start again with an inner strength and faith that is to me, at least, almost astonishing.

Meet Zoleka, Breastfeeding Counselor

I was recently able to spend some time with Zoleka Malamba, a breastfeeding counselor and advocate. I was struck by her personal story and how her history has led her to where she is today, making a difference in the lives of other women in similar situations.

Zoleka teaching on the importance of breastfeeding
at a support group

Today, Zoleka is 34 years old and has three kids.  She is married and lives with her husband, George, whom she met 1998.

Zoleka met Frances Fuchs, the manager of Bosom Buddies, while she was working for another NGO (non-governmental organisation), Mothers To Mothers, that counsels women who are HIV+.  She is happy today that she spoke with Frances when her contract with Mothers to Mothers was coming to an end.  She accepted the offer to work for Bosom Buddies in April 2012.

This is just a bit of Zoleka’s story.


Please tell me about yourself.
I grew up living with my mother, grandmother and uncle as social outcasts.  My mother had me when I was 15 years old and then my father left her and went on with his life.  My mother was forced to drop out of school to raise me and became a domestic worker [cleaning houses].  My grandmother also was a domestic worker.  My uncle used to sell newspapers 
at robots [traffic lights].

When I was thirteen or fourteen and in Standard 5 [grade 5], I had to drop school to look after my mother after she’d had a stroke.  She passed away that year and I tried to get back into school in Standard 6.  The next year, my grandmother had a heart attack and passed away, too.  We’d been living in a one-room shack.

I dropped out of school at Grade 10 because I had no support system and then got a job at a supermarket where was paid a total of R98 [around $10] for working a day and a half.  After a while, I got more hours and was able to work for three days for R198 [around $20].  I worked there for five years and it was while I was working at this supermarket that I met my husband, George.

In 2010, I heard that Mothers To Mothers was hiring.  They required a Grade 10 education as well as fluency in English, Afrikaans, and Xhosa.  Since I could speak all languages, I applied and went for an interview.  After two days, I was told I qualified for the job, over other applicants who had finished Grade 12 and beyond!  I still don’t know why they picked me, but thank God for it.

Expectant mother reading our pamphlet

How did you get to know Frances at Bosom Buddies?
When I first met Frances Fuchs, I was helping a woman from the Eastern Cape who had been raped by a policeman and as a result became pregnant, as well as HIV+.  I was heartbroken by her story and asked Frances to help her.  Frances agreed and our friendship began then, while I was still at Mothers To Mothers.

Many mothers that give birth in government hospitals do not have clothes for the babies and when they leave the hospital, must carry the baby home inside their own clothes.  Frances would bring bags of supplies for these mothers in Macassar where I worked with Mothers To Mothers.  We also started a breastfeeding support group together at that hospital a short while later and in 2012, Frances offered me a job at Bosom Buddies.


Was there something like Bosom Buddies for you when you had your first baby?
There was nothing!  I tell the ladies I work with now, “You are so fortunate!  In my time, there was no one to tell us about breast-feeding, how to have a healthy pregnancy, safe sex, and all those things.”  There was only a sister [nurse] to tell us whether or not we were pregnant.  We didn’t even feel like we could ask how our baby was doing because no one had told us that we could ask those questions.  When I was pregnant with my first daughter in 2001, the woman who gave the ultrasound didn’t even ask me if I wanted to know if it was a boy or a girl.  The doctors and nurses acted as if it was not our business to ask questions, and I did not have the courage to ask.

At Bosom Buddies, I can tell the women that it is their right and responsibility to ask questions and to learn.  During labor, it is okay to ask the nurse how many centimeters you are dilated so you can prepare better for the birth.  Sometimes the nurses can be intimidating, but you can still ask.  We want to empower them to press for the information they need.

Would you have made any changes to how you raised your children if you’d known then what you know now?
Yes, I would breastfeed!  With my firstborn, I didn’t want to eat and was very stressed because I didn’t have the support of my mother and father.  I didn’t know how to care for my child.  I didn’t breastfeed because I didn’t know how to do it and formula-fed her instead.  I started to mix feed and feed her porridge at two weeks old.  Because of malnutrition, she didn’t gain weight and at six months old she was still wearing newborn clothes.



If money weren’t an issue, what would you do with your life?
I would educate people more and more and more.  I want to teach them about the importance of breastfeeding.  I want to teach them about the dangers of HIV and how to avoid it and care for it.  It’s a very big problem here and even though people don’t want to talk about it, it is very real.

Newsletter: Sophie's story

It has been a year since we met Sophie at our breastfeeding support group in Macassar. She was referred to our group whilst pregnant with her third child. The antenatal clinic sister thought that Sophie could benefit from joining our group.

Sophie is young, under 25 years, and not a small girl. She has a few tattoos, she is confident and outspoken and often had the group in stitches. What we loved about Sophie was that she was extremely forthcoming with her story and her experiences and not shy to tell us about mistakes she has made and how she has learnt from them.

She left her parent’s home at 17 when she fell in love with the man who also gave her the first taste of Tik. She soon became addicted to the drug and reverted to crime to pay for her habit. When Sophie went to jail she was only 19 years old. After her release at 22, she was unsure of what to do, where to go. Totally alone in the world, she was vulnerable to anyone who would offer her a roof over her head and some kindness and found that in a man she thought will look after her and help her get on her feet.  Sophie quickly relapsed back into the drug scene and fell pregnant with her first child soon after. When this baby was born disabled, it was devastating for Sophie. The child was taken from her by his paternal grandparents, who wouldn’t allow her to see him or ever get any news of her baby. The same happened with her second baby and it was after having her second child taken from her that Sophie decided she needs to change her life completely.

We meet Sophie at this point. She is clean, off the drugs, pregnant with her third child (from the same father) and has vowed that this time things will be different. This baby will not be taken from her. She shared with us the physical, emotional and financial abuse she has suffered at the hands of her boyfriend and his parents. How she longs to see her children who are living with their grandparents, but they refuse her access. She dreams of a future with this child, away from the violence and ugliness that she has grown accustomed to, yet knows that it is not normal or natural in any way. We saw Sophie over a few months as she attended our groups weekly and formed beautiful friendships with us as well as the other women there. We know that Sophie gave birth to a healthy baby girl and that she found a place to stay and part time work. She also told us that her boyfriend doesn’t know where she is. Then suddenly she stopped coming. We were concerned, but hoped that it meant that she had full time work and didn’t have the time to come to our weekly meetings.

The last time one of the BB counsellors saw Sophie was by chance, at Helderberg Hospital. Sophie had a cracked lip and a black eye, but she was devastated, could hardly communicate her distressed story of how her boyfriend found her, and attacked her and their baby. He grabbed the baby from Sophie’s arms and threw her up in the air and let her drop to the ground. Sophie grabbed the baby and ran away, without shoes on her feet, to the clinic. Miraculously baby survived. We haven’t seen or heard from Sophie since and don’t know where she is or how she is. I fear for her life and that of her daughter’s.

What disturbs me about stories such as Sophie’s is the sense of hopelessness that threads through her life and now her daughter’s. Doing what we do, we meet hundreds of women every month, each with a story, beautiful and devastating. Working or volunteering for Thembalitsha, in particular Bosom Buddies, opens our eyes, minds and hearts to these women. We listen, comfort and encourage. We empower and educate. But we struggle against patriarchy and oppression, against abuse and victimisation, against poverty, drug abuse and illness. Often it feels like a losing battle, and we are plagued by the what-if’s and question what we could have done differently. The reality is that we simply do what we can and trust God for the rest. Thembalitsha = New Hope. Every day I pray for Sophie and the hundreds and thousands of women like her that I have met. I hope that we brought at least that little bit of hope, and our success stories, those that make our hearts leap with excitement and our stomachs turn with pride, those stories deserve to be told, but Sophie’s story is more important. She is the one that fell through the cracks, and there are many more like her.

During 2013 we met near 8000 women through our breastfeeding support. I am so proud of my breastfeeding peer counsellors, Liezl and Zoleka, for saving lives and impacting infant mortality. I am thankful for my volunteers who have delivered 5000 Bosom Buddies Bags this year. Our reach is huge. Our love is bigger. Our hearts for mothers are infinite.

Wishing all our readers and supporters a beautiful festive season. Thank you for your continued prayer and support.

Frances

The baby whisperer. Doula Fran

October news: BB support groups

                     The 'Funky Females' Bosom Buddies support group from School of Hope with                                             Frances and our American friend, Shanon.

The support group format has proven very successful for Bosom Buddies. It offers counselling and support, but more than that, companionship and rapport between people in similar circumstances or recovering from similar problems. It is disappointing that our groups aren’t always as well supported as we would like. People don’t recognise the benefits of this format and often might consider it too much effort to join our groups. However, support groups fall in line perfectly with the spirit of Ubuntu and community support and enhancement.

Our most successful support group is at the School of Hope, where I meet with the ‘Funky Females’ on Friday mornings. This is a group of young women who have had children or are pregnant while attending school. I have built a strong relationship with these girls and love them. Our group is honest and the only rule we have is that everything we talk about is confidential. The beautiful result is to witness the friendships that has been formed between the girls. They are there for each other and support one another even when I am not there. They trust each other, cry together, laugh together and share this difficult journey of motherhood, even more complicated since they are single and school-going.

Thank you School of Hope, what a privilege to share our resources, to work together and to give hope.

Oversees support for Bosom Buddies

We are blessed to have supporters from all over the world. Lately we have had more donations from the UK than locally – can you believe that?

Our donations come by mail, or sent in the luggage of travellers. The power of the social media has shrunk the world so hugely that we have friends reading our stories and being touched by our moms, from all over the world. We have also hosted many international visitors at Thembalitsha, who then go home and collect and fundraise for us. At this time I would like to dedicate our blog to these people and thank you so very much for your effort and expense.

Carry On 4 Babies, such an awesome initiative, sending baby stuff with travellers to SA from the UK.

Old dear friend Zoe Lee.

The Simmons’ who bring a huge case every 6 months – and thanks to their friends and family who collect year-round.

Aunt Jan sends a package every second week! Somewhere in London are grannies knitting beautiful caps and booties and I know that this is so enormously special to the mother who is nursing her little premature baby here at our hospital. To be so thought of and loved by a stranger from afar is a hugely humbling and privileged feeling.

                                          Roadside pick-up of a suitcase all the way from the UK!

September news: Shamiela's story

Shamiela* is a young woman of 19, mother of 3 children aged 4 years, 2 years and 8 months. She lives with her parents and her sister and next door to her best friend, who also has a baby.

In a society where teenage pregnancies are commonplace and accepted, we find that more and more girls (and of course the men involved) are careless in their sexual practices. It is not a lack of knowledge or a lack of sex education, it is not even a lack of understanding of the consequences of falling pregnant. It is also not necessarily what a lot of people believe, which is that she has babies in order to benefit from the child support grant of R250 per child per month. We all know that this is not nearly enough to support a child. Most women we meet, no matter their age, are unmarried. According to our statistics, less than 25% of the women who attend our support groups are married. This implies that it is also only about 25% of mothers who are supported by the fathers of the children.

So why are incidences of teenage pregnancy so prevalent? Statistics show that a teenage girl who has a baby before her 20^th birthday will be pregnant again within two years. Sadly, even with our intervention and influence, we find this to be true as well. I think Shamiela’s story answers this question for us.

Shamiela’s* father drinks and uses drugs, her mother as well. They work on and off, there usually is not much money. Violence is an everyday thing, which is not extraordinary in this community. At 14 years old Shamiela meets a boy. They are in love as only 14 year olds can be - passionately, completely and overpoweringly. This boy loves Shamiela, she feels more than anyone has ever loved her before. This might even be true. Shamiela says it is her and him against the world, but inevitably they are also lured into the world of drugs, in particular the popular and deadly addictive ‘tik’. Within a few months Shamiela finds that she is pregnant. Her parents are angry, but as this is a commonplace occurrence, accept it. Shamiela dotes on her first baby, but feels her boyfriend is slipping away in the mundane and stressful early months of having a baby. After a year and finding out that her boyfriend has been cheating on her, Shamiela decides that the only way to hold onto this love, would be to have another child and so she does. During her second pregnancy the boy breaks up with her anyway and so she and her parents are stuck with 2 children to support and raise. Where does Shamiela find acceptance and esteem? In the arms of another man, of course. This time the man is older with a stable job and promises to support her and her children. These are empty promises, undoubtedly and soon Shamiela finds herself where she is now: single mother of three children under 5 years old and no means to support them, including having given up her schooling at the age of 16.

Shamiela’s story is not uncommon. She is one of many teenage mothers we come across. Our work starts at the clinics where we meet the mothers as they come for antenatal care or breastfeeding advice, but soon we become shoulders to cry on and arms to lean on, often just an ear to listen. You see, Shamiela has never really felt heard. In her despondency we are able to offer friendship, counselling and often practical advice. It is hard and often frustrating. It is by the grace of God and the determination that we start each day believing firmly that this day we will make a difference, we will touch someone, change her life for the better. This is why we do what we do. This is what it’s all about.

*Name has been changed.

August news

August is a big month for Bosom Buddies. Women’s month means the focus nationwide is on the health and well-being is on that of the woman, which is why it is in the week coming up to Women’s Day, we celebrate breastfeeding week.   

In South Africa our child mortality rates are alarmingly high and maternal mortality rates are rising.   A large percentage of these deaths are preventable. We believe that through education, support and constant guidance, we can make a real difference, which is why we offer breastfeeding education and support groups at our local clinics daily.

In the partnership between public healthcare and BB, we form a holistic care for our mothers. We offer more than antenatal and baby care; it is about life and lifestyle, finding the voice in the mother. I encourage our women to know their rights, to demand quality service and to ask questions.
Our ultimate aim is to significantly reduce stillbirths and infant deaths and to elevate maternal well-being in our area.

Our focus this past breastfeeding week was on two of our new clinics, Kleinvlei and Grabouw Day Hospital. We have had a presence in these two facilities since May and during breastfeeding week we decided to spoil our moms with special treats and gifts. In spite of chilly winds in Grabouw, loads of women attended. It is a tremendous privilege and often very rewarding to meet and educate these mothers. Zoleka put it perfectly when she said that that’s how we roll – every woman leaves rich in knowledge, with a smile on her face!

This Women’s Day I would like to remind our readers again of the women we at Thembalitsha meet on a daily basis:

·         The HIV positive mother whose biggest fear is transmitting the disease to her child.

·         The 15-year-old mother who is still a child herself.

·         The young woman in love who thinks he might love her back if she does not insist on using a condom.

·         The Choices mother who feels she has no choice but to give this baby to someone else.

·         The mother who goes to hospital with such joyous anticipation but goes home with empty arms because her baby was born sleeping.

·         The mother who is having her 6^th child because nobody has ever spoken to her about sterilisation or birth control.

·         The abused woman who fears her own home and what might happen every night.

·         The privileged mother who has 3 of her own children, but still feels that she has the capacity, strength and love to foster or adopt another.

·         Even the woman who lives on the street and who has given up trying to quit a long time ago and gives birth to a baby with foetal alcohol syndrome.

·         And also to the desperate, the depressed, the isolated mother who feels she has no other choice but to abandon her baby.

Mamas having tea in the postnatal room, Grabouw Day Hospital.