Newsletter: Sophie's story

It has been a year since we met Sophie at our breastfeeding support group in Macassar. She was referred to our group whilst pregnant with her third child. The antenatal clinic sister thought that Sophie could benefit from joining our group.

Sophie is young, under 25 years, and not a small girl. She has a few tattoos, she is confident and outspoken and often had the group in stitches. What we loved about Sophie was that she was extremely forthcoming with her story and her experiences and not shy to tell us about mistakes she has made and how she has learnt from them.

She left her parent’s home at 17 when she fell in love with the man who also gave her the first taste of Tik. She soon became addicted to the drug and reverted to crime to pay for her habit. When Sophie went to jail she was only 19 years old. After her release at 22, she was unsure of what to do, where to go. Totally alone in the world, she was vulnerable to anyone who would offer her a roof over her head and some kindness and found that in a man she thought will look after her and help her get on her feet.  Sophie quickly relapsed back into the drug scene and fell pregnant with her first child soon after. When this baby was born disabled, it was devastating for Sophie. The child was taken from her by his paternal grandparents, who wouldn’t allow her to see him or ever get any news of her baby. The same happened with her second baby and it was after having her second child taken from her that Sophie decided she needs to change her life completely.

We meet Sophie at this point. She is clean, off the drugs, pregnant with her third child (from the same father) and has vowed that this time things will be different. This baby will not be taken from her. She shared with us the physical, emotional and financial abuse she has suffered at the hands of her boyfriend and his parents. How she longs to see her children who are living with their grandparents, but they refuse her access. She dreams of a future with this child, away from the violence and ugliness that she has grown accustomed to, yet knows that it is not normal or natural in any way. We saw Sophie over a few months as she attended our groups weekly and formed beautiful friendships with us as well as the other women there. We know that Sophie gave birth to a healthy baby girl and that she found a place to stay and part time work. She also told us that her boyfriend doesn’t know where she is. Then suddenly she stopped coming. We were concerned, but hoped that it meant that she had full time work and didn’t have the time to come to our weekly meetings.

The last time one of the BB counsellors saw Sophie was by chance, at Helderberg Hospital. Sophie had a cracked lip and a black eye, but she was devastated, could hardly communicate her distressed story of how her boyfriend found her, and attacked her and their baby. He grabbed the baby from Sophie’s arms and threw her up in the air and let her drop to the ground. Sophie grabbed the baby and ran away, without shoes on her feet, to the clinic. Miraculously baby survived. We haven’t seen or heard from Sophie since and don’t know where she is or how she is. I fear for her life and that of her daughter’s.

What disturbs me about stories such as Sophie’s is the sense of hopelessness that threads through her life and now her daughter’s. Doing what we do, we meet hundreds of women every month, each with a story, beautiful and devastating. Working or volunteering for Thembalitsha, in particular Bosom Buddies, opens our eyes, minds and hearts to these women. We listen, comfort and encourage. We empower and educate. But we struggle against patriarchy and oppression, against abuse and victimisation, against poverty, drug abuse and illness. Often it feels like a losing battle, and we are plagued by the what-if’s and question what we could have done differently. The reality is that we simply do what we can and trust God for the rest. Thembalitsha = New Hope. Every day I pray for Sophie and the hundreds and thousands of women like her that I have met. I hope that we brought at least that little bit of hope, and our success stories, those that make our hearts leap with excitement and our stomachs turn with pride, those stories deserve to be told, but Sophie’s story is more important. She is the one that fell through the cracks, and there are many more like her.

During 2013 we met near 8000 women through our breastfeeding support. I am so proud of my breastfeeding peer counsellors, Liezl and Zoleka, for saving lives and impacting infant mortality. I am thankful for my volunteers who have delivered 5000 Bosom Buddies Bags this year. Our reach is huge. Our love is bigger. Our hearts for mothers are infinite.

Wishing all our readers and supporters a beautiful festive season. Thank you for your continued prayer and support.

Frances

The baby whisperer. Doula Fran