January News

The Kangaroo Room at Christmas

Christmas-time is always bittersweet for us at Bosom Buddies. We receive a pile of gorgeous gifts from the amazing Operation Shoebox and it is a real treat to deliver these on Christmas morning as well as on New Year’s Day. I also love the optimism and excitement that surround the start of a new year; people just tend to be a little bit more hopeful for the future, specifically the year ahead. That, coupled with the miracle we witness daily, BIRTH, makes for a season of new beginnings, a happy summertime enthusiasm that we encounter in the passages of the maternity and labour ward at the hospital. It is plainly happy.

The bitter part is for the mothers who have to spend this time with their sick or premature babies at the hospital. It is especially hard for anyone to worry about a sick baby when everyone else is happy, and overindulging in festivities. The kangaroo room was full to bursting at Christmas time. I loved to see how these mothers made the best of being where they are, supporting and loving each other. I loved how happy they were to get their presents, spoiling their tiny little babies.

Unfortunately we continue to have babies born sleeping, even at these times, and sadly encountered one on Christmas day as well as 31 December. It is small solace to be able to provide a shoulder to cry on and a prayer for the mother at this time, but it is a shoulder she would not have had, had we not been there, a prayer nobody would have prayed was it not for Bosom Buddies. We have exciting plans for 2013 in offering counseling for these mothers from our premises. Please continue to pray for this project, Babies Born Sleeping has always been close to our hearts.

We are also extending our breastfeeding support group services and will be offering a group from Ikwezi shortly. Breastfeeding education is particularly important at this time, as it is gastro season. I am aware of 4 babies dying in our area from complications of diarrhea. The frustration is that these are preventable with the right education and support.

Thanks again to Operation Shoebox for the gorgeous gifts. We love Shoeboxers!

Finally, we are excited to receive 50 cases of sanitary towels for Kimberly Clark this week! It is wonderful when our biggest problem is where to store our stuff! The year is off to a great start.

If only

In our work, we meet women every day. To work or volunteer for Bosom Buddies, means you need to have a love and compassion for women, particular mothers.  Often it is very rewarding and even heartening, but for the most part it is terribly frustrating and exasperating. As we prepare for the festive season, doing our Christmas shopping, I am even more aware of the need and misery that surrounds me. I am frustrated with a system that does not support our mothers. For us here in the trenches, we continue trying to keep our heads above water, treading fiercely on behalf of the women we serve as well. But where are our leaders? I am not exaggerating when I say that almost every woman I meet from the township is abused and suppressed by husbands/fathers/brothers or, mostly, by absent men who refuse to support them financially. The women have no power, no say, are often sexually abused or even just so desperate for love that they let go of all instruction with regards to HIV and birth control simply to feel the warmth and love from another human being. I meet young girls who have to support siblings or sick parents and in order to have a loaf of bread; all they have to sell is their bodies. Bodies that are sexually active way too early, give birth as teenagers, is ravaged by alcohol or drugs and depression and poverty.

We struggle against a legal system that is sluggish and with many cracks. Most of the women I meet do not receive any maintenance support from men who have moved on and made other women pregnant.

In the meantime our leaders are in their armored vehicles, lavish hotels and private jets, with multiple wives and girlfriends and dozens of children, glorifying this lifestyle that hurts so many. We stand next to the women and children and will continue to work tirelessly. If only, if only our leaders could hear the children crying and see the mothers struggling. If only they weren't deaf and blind to the real South Africa. 

December News

It is the festive season, a time of joy and celebrations, but also a time of stress, chaotic schedules and financial pressures. Bosom Buddies owes a huge thanks to our supporters and partners of 2012. I’d like to name a few:

• Kimberly Clark donated a truckload of sanitary towels, saving us thousands and allowing us to safeguard our mothers’ dignity.

• ATS collected and delivered this truckload of sanitary towels, as well as make monthly contributions to our project and always being at our functions – thank you guys, it has been a pleasure getting to know you.

• Friends who support the project financially – Elize Buitendag, Nadia Pickering and the Novitzkas fam, as well as loads of you who stay anonymous. (These are also the girls who keep me sane and always there to listen, invaluable!).

• Operation Shoebox for all those gorgeous gifts every Christmas and the blankets and soft toys every winter, thanks guys and gals, you make us smile.

• The Thembalitsha board members that help make up my Miles for Moms team: thanks Anthony and Jan, and start training, in May we will be running 300km for Bosom Buddies!

• Volunteers, thanks to all the women who give up their time to visit the hospitals.

I also can’t help but reflect on the women who make this past year memorable. First mention is our newest team member, Zoleka Malamba. This woman is phenomenal. I love her and already rely on her endlessly. She is taking BB to new levels, facilitating our support groups and antenatal education. She is also very involved in teaching HIV + mothers on feeding their babies and is starting up these support groups as well. Zoleka is going to soar, I see for 2013 infinite opportunities for growth, taking our groups further and growing them bigger. Zoleka shares my vision and is the one making it real. Well done, girl, I am so proud and we are an excellent team.

Some of our mothers:
I have grown close to a group of young mothers. Our weekly get-togethers are special and as important to me as it is to them. I am proud when they do well and disappointed when they are naughty (because although they are mothers, they are still barely adults themselves). Our motto is that we are growing into responsible, independent and sensible women, and this is what we teach our daughters, through example and by overcoming sometimes seemingly impossible situations. And you know what? They are doing it; they are overcomers, every single one of them. I am in awe of the strength and courage displayed by them, by the capacity to just keep going.

I am wondering tonight what has happened to some of the moms we have lost touch with over the months. Many are victims of abuse at home, by partners and parents, and often just don’t have the strength to get out. I am sad for the children who grow up in these circumstances and the cycle just continues. When I encourage our mothers, I say that about the past we can do nothing, but their futures and their children’s’ destinies are in their hands. We will do whatever we can to support and help them, but they need the courage to do it, perhaps to leave an abusive home, perhaps to get out there and get a job or start studying, often to get sterilized without the permission of a husband, whatever it may be. If they need shelter, we will find one, if they need legal advice, we will help, if they need prayer, we are there, if they need shoes for their children, we make a plan, if they need rehab, we know where to send them. But what we can never do is make the decision for her; it has to be driven by the woman herself. My intent has always been and will always be to empower, I don’t want to be just another person who tells her what she should be doing. We ensure that our mothers are informed and supported and then we leave decision-making up to her. Otherwise it could not, would not work.

I am excited for the year ahead. Bosom Buddies will continue growing, continue reaching out, and continue loving. This is, after all what it’s all about.

October News

This past month Bosom Buddies was proud to be invited to participate in the Health Summit at Macassar Day Hospital. The Health Summit had the purpose of educating the community in services the clinic offers, but more than this, it was an educational exercise in teaching the community about taking their health and the health of their children seriously.

It was both adorable and encouraging to see groups of school children getting their teeth checked by the clinic dentist and taught how to brush and clean properly, all of them leaving the clinic with a brand new toothbrush and toothpaste.

We stepped into our role of educating mothers. Bosom Buddies was allocated the responsibility of teaching those present on the dangers of drinking, smoking and taking drugs whilst pregnant. We also of course continued with our breastfeeding drive, promoting the benefits of exclusive breastfeeding.
I would like to thank our wonderful volunteers from the US, who spent three days painting our sewing room and office for us. I know it might seem like your efforts are wasted, but to us it is a huge blessing, one which we would struggle to find otherwise.

The past two years we have focused intensely on shifting our focus to the empowerment and education of pregnant and breastfeeding mothers. We have done very well but still feel there is so much more to do. There are so many more women we would like to meet and areas we want to penetrate. We cannot simply meet a new mother at the hospital, hear her story and leave it at that. I feel very strongly that we need a follow-up, a meeting place to entertain and exchange stories. To teach, to love, to minister and encourage. More importantly, with our support groups established in several areas, we now face the next obstacle: to have them better attended and to spread the word. Furthermore, there are still many areas and clinics in our own neighborhood where we need to be. Logistical challenges are what prohibit our growth at this stage. I would like to ask all our supporters to pray towards practical solutions.

An updated needs list:

1. Nappies.
2. A car for Zoleka, our breastfeeding counselor, to enable her to reach more clinics easier.
3. Supplies of tea, milk, sugar and biscuits for our support groups.
4. Baby clothes.

Thanking you for so much love, support and prayer.

September News

Our Sir Lowrys Pass Support Group

At the United Nations Millennium Summit in 2000, the international community reached consensus on working to achieve eight critical economic and social development priorities by 2015. In the words of Pres. Jacob Zuma “South Africa has committed to the eight Millennium Development Goals and embraced them into a national set of priorities.” (Stats SA, Millennium Development Goals Country Report 2010)

The eight MDGs are in their numerical order:

1. To eradicate extreme poverty and hunger
2. To achieve universal primary education
3. To promote gender equality and empower women
4. To reduce child mortality
5. To improve maternal health
6. To combat HIV/AIDS, malaria and other diseases
7. To ensure environmental sustainability
8. To develop a global partnership for development

As the readers of an NGO newsletter, you might be wondering why we would be concerned with these Goals. To me, they are vital. I know these goals and I actively work towards achieving these goals with my government. As an active, responsible citizen, I strive to better my neighborhood, my country, to develop our resources and stand shoulder to shoulder with my sisters.

Thembalitsha is occupied by all of the 8 Goals, working persistently to achieve them. At Bosom Buddies, we are involved in goals 3, 4 and 5. The empowerment of women (specifically mothers) is our primary objective, and we exist and grow towards this. Our educational features have become crucial to who we are and what we would like to achieve. This goes hand-in-hand with the following 2 MDGs. South Africa struggles with these. Human Rights Watch has reported that maternal mortality has increased in SA. Obviously the factors that contribute to these are complex, but education lies at the base of it and this is where Bosom Buddies is working at providing antenatal education for the mothers in our region. We partner with the antenatal clinics, and cover basic subjects such as Foetal Alcohol Syndrome, danger signs in pregnancy, how labour works and what to expect, breastfeeding etc.
The support group format is tremendously successful, as it creates a space for women to come together, a safe space to share and encourage. We facilitate these groups, we educate, minister and love without judgement or criticism. But the thought is that when we pack up and leave, the women have formed lifelong friendships and supportive bonds.

In South Africa our child mortality rates are alarmingly high and maternal mortality rates are rising.  Again the complex reasons behind this are too vast to go into here, but note that a large percentage of these deaths are preventable. As far as we’re concerned, we believe that through education, support and constant guidance, we can make a real difference.

In the partnership between public healthcare and BB, we aim to form a holistic care for our mothers. Our groups are about more than antenatal and baby care, it is about life and lifestyle, finding the voice in the mother. I encourage our women to know their rights, to demand quality service and to ask questions.
Our ultimate aim is to significantly reduce stillbirths and infant deaths and to elevate maternal well-being in our area and we even dream of going further afield. Watch this space.

August News

This month we have interview Frances, the Project Manger of Bosom Buddies to find out what makes her tick:

What/How do you prefer to be called?
Frances Fuchs

Tell me about growing up – what were some of the influences in your life?
I was raised in a typical South African Afrikaans society. We were sheltered, spoilt with live-in ‘help’, conservative, church-going and happy. I was born in the 70’s in Pretoria and remember a happy care-free childhood.

My biggest influences were definitely my two grandfathers. I was very close to them both. My maternal grandfather, prof.  F.R. Tomlinson, was a well-known agricultural economist and loved me dearly. He died before I became fully aware of politics, but he LISTENED to me, even as a young girl, something I felt lacking in my other relationships with adults.

My paternal grandfather, Douglas Fuchs, was an actor and an artist. He fuelled my love for literature and debate. We used to spend many hours discussing books and Afrikaans literature.

I understand now that both these men might be seen as ‘bad’ in the apartheid sense, but for me they have taught me so much of what I know and understand about humanity, equality, but especially love. My father, Anton Fuchs, has spent his life involved in politics and also encouraged my curiosities and I believe that my interests in sociology and social injustices were hugely influenced by him.

How would you describe yourself?
I am a woman with all that it entails. I am wife, mother, daughter, sister and bf. I am above all a feminist, a doula and a Christian. I celebrate being a woman, I love pretty things, have a handbag collection and yet I am fiercely independent, strong and a fighter.

Can you describe your job to me?
I manage an NGO called Bosom Buddies. Bosom Buddies is my passion, since it gives me the liberty to spend time with women, mothers in particular. My days are spent visiting our local hospital’s maternity ward and antenatal clinics, teaching and encouraging new or pregnant mothers. I manage around 20 volunteers who visit the hospital daily, I employ 3 wonderful women who help me to teach and support the mothers of the Helderberg.
A huge part of my job is fundraising (very stressful), so I communicate a lot, organize functions and such. Bosom Buddies is a project of the Thembalitsha Foundation, an organization I am enormously proud to be a part of. My colleagues inspire me greatly.

What motivated you to pursue this field?
As a student at UCT in the early 90’s, I studied literature, history and sociology. My latent feminism and political interest was sparked and after that there was no stopping me! After my studies I worked at Nicro Women’s Support Centre in Cape Town, where I was trained as counselor and spent time counseling women in abusive situations. I realized then that this is where my strength lies. I love women, I love talking to them, and listening to them. I love to teach and I have no fear.
After I had my children, I was overcome by the incredible thing we do which is pregnancy and childbirth and I trained to be a doula (childbirth assistant) and was first a volunteer for Bosom Buddies before I took over as manager. It has been a natural progression from young political, outspoken, aggressive schoolgirl to now.

What were some challenges along the way?
The challenges are mostly emotional. Obviously as counselor for abused women and now working with mothers in poverty, we see and hear some horrific things. It is hard for me to not want to change the world, to shout out and get aggressive. I also of course sometimes struggle with issues of faith.  At times it is hard to know the love and blessings of our God whilst witnessing mothers and children suffering all around me.

What have some of the highlights been?
I love speaking to my privileged friends and telling them about what I do, or taking them with me to the public hospital. I am amazed how people can drive past townships yet not notice how the people live. I see a huge part of my job as educating the privileged and some of my highlights definitely include watching people change.
Every birth I have attended, whether at a private hospital with all the luxuries, or at the public hospital, has been a highlight.

Was there a moment when you thought I’ve made it’ and, can you describe it?
No. I think I challenge myself constantly. Come over one hurdle onto the next.
(I love when my father is proud of me and tells me so. This to me is an “I’ve made it” moment).

If you had any doubts, how did you overcome them?
The only doubts I have is whether I will have enough money at the end of each month to pay the salaries! Faith plays a big part here as well. Somehow we always have what we need for our mothers.

What have some of the highlights been?
It is definitely a highlight to be recognized by the medical community and regarded as valuable. Often in the past, we were seen as outsiders at the hospital and clinics, but through relationship building, we have now been accepted and are recognized as vital in the important task of teaching our moms about mother- and babycare.

Why is your current work important?
So many the pregnancy and birth-related illnesses are preventable. Proper teaching of our mothers can save the lives of many babies. We constantly struggle against misinformation and it is terribly frustrating. We know that exclusive breastfeeding will save lives, but mothers rather ask the advice of their mothers and culturally, it is a huge effort to convince them otherwise.

In Cape Town over 500 babies are abandoned each year. Why does this happen? We need to understand the level of desperation a mother reaches to get to this point. I really believe that if she had the proper help and support, perhaps from a group such as ours, she would have had someone to turn to, to help. Yes, we talk about adoption and yes, we encourage sterilisation, but this is not always appropriate. We offer friendship, knowledge and hope.

What’s something no one knows about you, that you don’t mind sharing?
I can do 50 real, man push-ups in a minute!

June News

We have had a surge of domestic violence happening to our moms these past few weeks. Is it that we are just now becoming aware of it, or is it a sign of times getting worse for our women?

First, there was the woman I told of in the previous blog. Zoleka travelled to the Eastern Cape to attend her funeral which was well-attended. It just makes one wonder where all these ‘friends’ were when she was desperately alone and afraid, that she called her PMTCT counselor her best friend.

Since earlier this year, a quiet 16-year-old girl has been attending our support group in Macassar. She never missed a week and might say nothing, but we saw her every Friday. Let’s call her Shani. Shani gave birth to her first baby, a boy, in April. He is a lovely, beautiful big boy. The birth was difficult since she is so young and he is so big. Shani left her family, gave up her schooling, basically gave up her whole life, including her religion for a guy. She is in love, and her boyfriend tells her that being a Rastafarian is great; it is the way to be. And at 16 we love so fiercely, so immensely, so passionately that of course it is easy to take advantage of. A few weeks ago his violence against her escalated to the point that he took the baby, threw it up against the ceiling and let it drop to the floor. Shani was forced to grab her broken baby and run barefoot for help. They spent some time in the hospital and baby has miraculously survived and is now back home. How will boyfriend hurt or threaten Shani next time?

We always tell our mothers that the way to hurt them most is by hurting their children. This is the most extreme form of abuse – not only towards the child, but especially towards the mother. Our instincts as mothers are to protect our children, and what do we do when the person we love, trust and rely on for our safety threaten that of our children?

The important aspect of our groups is that we not only focus on pregnancy and breastfeeding, but cover all aspects of being a woman and being a responsible citizen.

We foster and encourage friendships, because we know that often women are lonely and isolated, even in the midst of a township. I want to promote a sisterhood, a society where we always have someone to turn to for advice, for help and for company. This will ensure the safety of our women and children, safety from abuse but also from lack of knowledge.