Remember the granny I mention in my previous blog? She is raising twin boys and had to give up her job in order to take care of them. I admire her love and dedication. She has since legally adopted the two boys and so the mother has no claim on them. This is important for the security of the boys, but also for the woman (and her husband) raising the two. They are giving them their all – all the love you and I can imagine that anyone will have for their own children and so much expense too, and the risk that maybe one day they can lose them is just agonizing. So the boys are now officially theirs, with all that entails.
Granny left the hospital with some gifts from Bosom Buddies, including a bucket with 10 organic cotton nappies. As we all know, disposable nappies are very expensive and also not great for the environment, so we thought it pertinent to rather give them cotton nappies as a gift, plus some etra clothes, blankets and products. Since they were premature, they stayed, with their granny, in the hospital for a few weeks. Our volunteers got to know them relatively well, as we do most of the moms who stay in the kangaroo room with their prem or sick babies. We spent many visits with them praying and just chatting.
We have received the following letter from magnificent granny:
(please bear in mind that she is of Muslim faith, and consider the power of prayer)
“Dear Mrs Frances (of Bosom Buddies)
I would like to sincerely thank you for the contribution for the twins. It has come in very handy. I just thought that morning, where would I get help for some nappies? The dear lord Jesus then sent you on my way with a bag filled with blessings. My husband and I really appreciate it. When I took the two children, I said God, please give me a mustard seed of faith, that which I cannot see, to raise these boys.
My prayer for you, the nurses and everyone who came along my way with these two innocent children, is that ‘God, when you bless others, do not pass these people. Come bless them with a wealth of blessings.’
The giver gets more than the receiver.
Thank you, thank you. God’s richest blessings.
Yours faithfully”
What we do DOES matter, CHANGES lives and plants that mustard seed of faith. Every touch, every smile, every blessing and prayer has the potential to save a life. Mind-blowing and awesome.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Friday, July 15, 2011
July News
I know it often seems that we are having a terrible time and that each visit to the hospital is wrought with emotion, pain and sadness but we visit new mothers, and that in itself is filled with joy and hope.
What I find the most incredible of all, is that these women, these mothers, are so overcome with love, awe and affection for their newborns. God and nature are such an incredible force that the love we all have for our babies is instant and overwhelming and pure. But so is the anxiety and fear and anger when things go wrong.
When I meet people without children, it is hard to explain this wonderment and love to them. I know women who have adopted and their love is by no means any less than those of us who have ‘natural, biological’ kids. The only thing they don’t experience is the birth, whether by caesaerian or natural, and with it, that first few hours of getting to know the new baby, this human being that has for 9 months lived inside of you and is a WHOLE person. That’s incredible, indescribable, beautiful and frightening.
At Bosom Buddies we meet the mothers when they are in this space, when they have just experienced this, the most life-changing and life-affirming experience of their lives. What a powerful platform! We have such a great opportunity to minister and to love and to pray and to bless. Wow.
I have learnt so much in my time with Bosom Buddies. I am astonished by the strength of women, by how much we overcome and achieve in spite of circumstances. The women we meet at HH and Macassar are the poorest in our communities. Yet they are for the most part calm and cheerful and exceedingly loving and caring of their babies. They are open to meet and to chat with our volunteers and most of them welcome a prayer, thanking God for their little miracle.
Look at this woman in the picture. These twin boys were born on 2 July. They were born premature and are still very small, but they’re healthy and strong and they should be fine. It is a generally known fact that kangaroo care (skin-on-skin) is the absolute best for premies. They grow and develop better, they are nice and cosy and warm against their mother’s skin and it creates a womb-like feeling when they’re all cuddled up inside her clothes on her chest against her heart. The astonishing thing about this woman and these two boys is that she is not their mother. She is their granny and will be raising them as her own. She realised that it will be impossible for her daughter to care for these twins without leaving school and they decided that daughter should stay in school. She will have to stay in hospital, doing kangaroo care with the boys for quite a while, until the boys are big enough to go home. When I spoke to her and told her how much I admire her for sacrificing so much to raise her grandchildren and spend weeks in (a really not very comfortable) hospital, she looked at me like I’m the crazy one and said that she didn’t even consider otherwise. It is not a sacrifice! How blessed are they to have TWO boys to add to their family. She would do anything for them, anything at all.
Love and dedication, seen on the faces of the maternity ward at Helderberg Hospital and Macassar clinic.
Please join us for our Women’s Day celebration, a brunch we will be hosting with School of Hope on Women’s day, 9 August. It is entitled “I am Woman, Being a woman in SA today” and will be interesting and enlightening.
What I find the most incredible of all, is that these women, these mothers, are so overcome with love, awe and affection for their newborns. God and nature are such an incredible force that the love we all have for our babies is instant and overwhelming and pure. But so is the anxiety and fear and anger when things go wrong.
When I meet people without children, it is hard to explain this wonderment and love to them. I know women who have adopted and their love is by no means any less than those of us who have ‘natural, biological’ kids. The only thing they don’t experience is the birth, whether by caesaerian or natural, and with it, that first few hours of getting to know the new baby, this human being that has for 9 months lived inside of you and is a WHOLE person. That’s incredible, indescribable, beautiful and frightening.
At Bosom Buddies we meet the mothers when they are in this space, when they have just experienced this, the most life-changing and life-affirming experience of their lives. What a powerful platform! We have such a great opportunity to minister and to love and to pray and to bless. Wow.
I have learnt so much in my time with Bosom Buddies. I am astonished by the strength of women, by how much we overcome and achieve in spite of circumstances. The women we meet at HH and Macassar are the poorest in our communities. Yet they are for the most part calm and cheerful and exceedingly loving and caring of their babies. They are open to meet and to chat with our volunteers and most of them welcome a prayer, thanking God for their little miracle.
Love and dedication, seen on the faces of the maternity ward at Helderberg Hospital and Macassar clinic.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Pray constantly
Thankfully we have had a quiet week at HH so far. Calm visits to the ward with some bags left-over at the end, the nurses seem relaxed and chatty and the patients are well looked-after and content. Most importantly: no babies born sleeping. The hospital gave us statistics of approximately 8 to 10 stillbirths per month and so far we have experienced just that – about 2 per week. Last week was particularly bad with two in one day. Two such different experiences!
The first mother was in the overfull ward, sitting on a chair with newborns suckling on their moms all around. She sat in the corner, invisible in her misery in pain. Her sister was not allowed in the ward and was sitting outside on a bench, waiting for any news. Mom is called Julie and from Zimbabwe. This is her first baby, a baby boy born at full term, but something went wrong and he didn’t make it. She is married, 26 years old and was so excited about having this son. Julie asked me to dress her little boy in his going-home outfit – a vest, pants, babygro, little hat and blanket, all the brightest happiest yellow. She watched while I carefully dressed him and took some pictures. I pointed out to her all his perfect features: the flawless little fingers, the little button nose, the pouty mouth whilst she drank it in. It was heartbreakingly, intensely difficult. What I could say as I dressed him, is that his going-home outfit is just perfect, as he is now home with Jesus and he is so very very loved.
The second case was poles apart: The mother, Naheema, was very young, from Cape Town, very thin with no expression in her eyes. She got the last bed in the semi-private ward. She was very unemotional and uncommunicative, did not want to see the baby or have any pictures taken. I can’t judge her, because of the dark place she is in and we all react differently to grief, but I could clearly see that she is a drug addict just waiting to get out of there. I have since learnt that now, a week later, her baby’s little body is still there. Naheema conned the hospital staff by giving a false address, she arranged with an undertaker to fetch the baby but cancelled this as she left the hospital. God sent me to wrap baby boy in a blanket and put a little cap on and cry some tears over him. His mother has disappeared and is now wanted by the police.
As everywhere in the world, drugs are a huge problem. In the Cape we struggle with crystal meth (Tik). The rumours are incredible. Just this morning we met a beautiful 22-year-old mom with her gorgeous baby girl, Labiba. Mom told me and the doctor that her cousin told her that Tik will help with labour pains, so she smoked it last night while in labour. Labiba is very sleepy and struggling to breastfeed and so when asked how often she smoked Tik in the pregnancy, the mom said just now and then after the eighth month. She is very adamant that she will never do it again. When I meet these mothers, I make sure they understand that if they feel overwhelmed by motherhood, if they feel they can’t cope, there is help. I am so aware of babies in our area being abandoned and I try my best to make the women understand that there are places they can go for help, that their baby is loved and precious and even she, the mother, is loved and special.
Doctors, nurses, social workers and NGO’s like ours work tirelessly and constantly to save these women and their babies. Unfortunately, often, they fall through the cracks and soon enough revert back to their old ways of drug use, prostitution and alcoholism. And sadly, the thought of what becomes of these babies is unbearable, which is why we just work harder, speak louder, love stronger and pray constantly.
The first mother was in the overfull ward, sitting on a chair with newborns suckling on their moms all around. She sat in the corner, invisible in her misery in pain. Her sister was not allowed in the ward and was sitting outside on a bench, waiting for any news. Mom is called Julie and from Zimbabwe. This is her first baby, a baby boy born at full term, but something went wrong and he didn’t make it. She is married, 26 years old and was so excited about having this son. Julie asked me to dress her little boy in his going-home outfit – a vest, pants, babygro, little hat and blanket, all the brightest happiest yellow. She watched while I carefully dressed him and took some pictures. I pointed out to her all his perfect features: the flawless little fingers, the little button nose, the pouty mouth whilst she drank it in. It was heartbreakingly, intensely difficult. What I could say as I dressed him, is that his going-home outfit is just perfect, as he is now home with Jesus and he is so very very loved.
The second case was poles apart: The mother, Naheema, was very young, from Cape Town, very thin with no expression in her eyes. She got the last bed in the semi-private ward. She was very unemotional and uncommunicative, did not want to see the baby or have any pictures taken. I can’t judge her, because of the dark place she is in and we all react differently to grief, but I could clearly see that she is a drug addict just waiting to get out of there. I have since learnt that now, a week later, her baby’s little body is still there. Naheema conned the hospital staff by giving a false address, she arranged with an undertaker to fetch the baby but cancelled this as she left the hospital. God sent me to wrap baby boy in a blanket and put a little cap on and cry some tears over him. His mother has disappeared and is now wanted by the police.
As everywhere in the world, drugs are a huge problem. In the Cape we struggle with crystal meth (Tik). The rumours are incredible. Just this morning we met a beautiful 22-year-old mom with her gorgeous baby girl, Labiba. Mom told me and the doctor that her cousin told her that Tik will help with labour pains, so she smoked it last night while in labour. Labiba is very sleepy and struggling to breastfeed and so when asked how often she smoked Tik in the pregnancy, the mom said just now and then after the eighth month. She is very adamant that she will never do it again. When I meet these mothers, I make sure they understand that if they feel overwhelmed by motherhood, if they feel they can’t cope, there is help. I am so aware of babies in our area being abandoned and I try my best to make the women understand that there are places they can go for help, that their baby is loved and precious and even she, the mother, is loved and special.
Doctors, nurses, social workers and NGO’s like ours work tirelessly and constantly to save these women and their babies. Unfortunately, often, they fall through the cracks and soon enough revert back to their old ways of drug use, prostitution and alcoholism. And sadly, the thought of what becomes of these babies is unbearable, which is why we just work harder, speak louder, love stronger and pray constantly.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
June News
I have often wondered if any of the moms we meet at Helderberg Hospital or Macassar end up abandoning their babies. We have all heard of the dreadful statistics of abandoned babies in the Cape. In 2010 over 450 babies were abandoned in and around Cape Town. I truly hope that none of ‘our’ moms end up abandoning their babies. I genuinely believe that we do make a difference, that our prayer and blessing and gift gives the mother hope and conveys to the mother that her baby is special and that she is special.
There are many theories and lots of debate surrounding this issue of abandoned babies. To me it is simple. The mother is isolated and desperate. She is probably suffering from post-partum depression. She is most likely in an abusive relationship. She is almost certainly very poor and can see no other solution. She is doubtless uneducated and unempowered. She might be HIV positive and the baby could be a result of rape or incest. I can only imagine the hours leading up to the abandonment and the mom’s despair and anguish that will lead her to take this step. My point is that I cannot imagine any of the women I have met at either of ‘our’ local hospitals will reach this point, because at the time we meet them they are looking at their babies with such awe, amazed at their own strength and overwhelmed by love.
I realise that I sound naïve in thinking that the women we meet are different. Yes, they are different, but only because they have us. We pray for them and plant a seed of love and compassion, and we ensure that no baby leaves the hospital without clothes and being snugly wrapped in a blanket. No mom leaves without hygiene products, she can sit in the taxi or walk down the hill with her dignity in tact. After this we encourage them to come to us for breastfeeding advice and to learn to sew and get basic business training. Maybe it’s a drop in a bucket, but for one, two or a hundred women and babies it has made a difference. And that is worth it.
Also, huge thanks to Adventure Bootcamp Team from Somerset West who hosted a Beach Booty day for us on Strand Beach and raised R1350. Thanks Girls!!!
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Never easy
Our Breastfeeding support group for Macassar kicked off to great fanfare at the Macassar public library yesterday. It was wonderful and encouraging to see how excited the maternity ward staff were about this group. Nurses, peer counsellors and the nutritionist all contributed to have a huge variety of snacks for the attendees. They even advertised in the local paper! I love that. Attendance was a bit low, but I believe word of mouth will be the best advertising tool in this instance.
One very young couple attended with their 2-month old gorgeous baby girl. Baby girl is drinking a bottle. Why? We asked. Apparently mom was told by a nurse in hospital that her milk is too salty. What a crazy notion! Dad says he spends R800 per month on formula milk. Then the nappies, bottles, teats, all the added expenses of having a baby. This couple is only 20 years old, what a responsibility on such young people. Imagine how much simpler it would’ve been had she persevered, received correct advice and counselling about breastfeeding. Clearly we have a huge job ahead of us in terms of community education with regards to this.
Today I am feeling vulnerable, overwhelmed and sad. Sometimes this, what we do, Bosom Buddies, Thembalitsha, seems so futile. Sometimes I get stuck on the hugeness of the issues, and get overburdened by the enormity of our task. We are not here to change the world, but we are here to make a difference somewhere to some people, to a community, to some people.
Yesterday I met a young mom with a 2-year old boy and a 1-year old little girl. They are very poor and the mom had a dishevelled, drug addicted look to her. Little girl had no nappy on and was dirty. Now, I see this a lot, but sometimes it affects me more than others. I gave her nappies and some food. What more can I do? How can I help? Then I come home to my house with a garden, with a pool for goodness sake. I have TWO inside bathrooms with flush toilets. I have a geyser for hot water. I have electricity to cook food and to have light and to watch tv. I have a washing machine and a tumble drier. Who am I to tell a young mother without any of these things that she should wash her baby’s clothes? She does not have hot water, never mind soap.
A little boy in my daughter’s playgroup died yesterday of pneumonia. The fragility of life is the most frightening thing of all, because even with all these privileges, hot water, flush toilets, warm clothes, Sealy mattresses, we are not guaranteed it.
How can anyone get through a day without faith? How can you not have God to turn to?
As a leader, I am meant to be strong, to counsel my volunteers, and lead my ministry in strength and with courage. This is not always there. I am writing today to ask for prayers, for love and encouragement, because this is not easy. Not even for a day.
Frances
One very young couple attended with their 2-month old gorgeous baby girl. Baby girl is drinking a bottle. Why? We asked. Apparently mom was told by a nurse in hospital that her milk is too salty. What a crazy notion! Dad says he spends R800 per month on formula milk. Then the nappies, bottles, teats, all the added expenses of having a baby. This couple is only 20 years old, what a responsibility on such young people. Imagine how much simpler it would’ve been had she persevered, received correct advice and counselling about breastfeeding. Clearly we have a huge job ahead of us in terms of community education with regards to this.
Today I am feeling vulnerable, overwhelmed and sad. Sometimes this, what we do, Bosom Buddies, Thembalitsha, seems so futile. Sometimes I get stuck on the hugeness of the issues, and get overburdened by the enormity of our task. We are not here to change the world, but we are here to make a difference somewhere to some people, to a community, to some people.
Yesterday I met a young mom with a 2-year old boy and a 1-year old little girl. They are very poor and the mom had a dishevelled, drug addicted look to her. Little girl had no nappy on and was dirty. Now, I see this a lot, but sometimes it affects me more than others. I gave her nappies and some food. What more can I do? How can I help? Then I come home to my house with a garden, with a pool for goodness sake. I have TWO inside bathrooms with flush toilets. I have a geyser for hot water. I have electricity to cook food and to have light and to watch tv. I have a washing machine and a tumble drier. Who am I to tell a young mother without any of these things that she should wash her baby’s clothes? She does not have hot water, never mind soap.
A little boy in my daughter’s playgroup died yesterday of pneumonia. The fragility of life is the most frightening thing of all, because even with all these privileges, hot water, flush toilets, warm clothes, Sealy mattresses, we are not guaranteed it.
How can anyone get through a day without faith? How can you not have God to turn to?
As a leader, I am meant to be strong, to counsel my volunteers, and lead my ministry in strength and with courage. This is not always there. I am writing today to ask for prayers, for love and encouragement, because this is not easy. Not even for a day.
Frances
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
May News
Our Babies Born Sleeping project seems to also be coming together. The wonderful Zoë, who is here all the way from the UK to volunteer for Thembalitsha, has come very far in establishing a support base for mothers who experience miscarriage at Helderberg Hospital. Together with Carolyn, they have set up a group of volunteers and done all the necessary research to get this project started. As with anything, funding is always necessary. We need to make approximately 120 sympathy bags per year. A sympathy bag contains a blanket and cap to dress the baby in for a photograph, sanitary towels and hygiene products such as soap and toothpaste for mom, plus a little cuddly toy also for the photograph and as a small keepsake for the mother.
We are also grateful that the nursing staff are fully accepting of our volunteers and encourage us in this project, for we all know that without their support we wouldn’t get very far.
This is not an easy project to be involved in, but one that is vital and that has been a dream of our BB founder Mel, and myself for a very long time. Please pray with us that it is a success and that our volunteers will bring the much-needed comfort to the lonely moms who experience stillbirth.
Lastly, it is so exciting to let you all know that our New Moms’ Group – Macassar will start in June! This is a breastfeeding support group that runs once weekly, facilitated by BB. In Macassar, our group will be held on Friday mornings in the public library. Our group in Somerset West is at our offices in Lourensford Rd on Wednesdays.
Thanks again to all our wonderful volunteers and supporters.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Such fun at our Royal wedding high tea!
On Friday the 29th of April BB held a high tea at the gorgeous Life church. It was a fun-filled morning filled with glamour and tradition. The 60 ladies and 17 children watched the Royal wedding splendour on the big Life church screens. Many thanks to our hostesses Helen, Annette, Amanda, Karlien, Jo and Alice.
Alice won the prize for most stunning table, a night for two at the breathtaking Manor on the Bay, while all the kids received vouchers for Waterworld. Thanks to our great sponsors, the above plus Ster Kinekor, Musica and Reggies, as well as Appletiser for the 80 drinks.
Buy a BB bag for mother's day
Why waste money on a silly mother's day card or wilted flowers? To celebrate mother's day, buy a Bosom Buddies bag for R150 and we'll deliver it to a special mom and babe for you. As a keepsake, you'll get a smiley pic of a very happy mother and her newborn. Bank details on request.
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